Album & EP Reviews

Toothdrinker – We Are Not Impressed EP

Toothdrinker – We Are Not Impressed EP
Self-Released
Release Date: 24/02/23
Running Time: 12 minutes
Review by Paul Hutchings
4/10

I’m genuinely perplexed by this EP. A mere 12 minutes and three tracks, it features three cover versions and is described as the off-beat palette cleanser before the band’s release of original material. Now, as a DIY outfit, the Cardiff collective are clearly trying to go for the wacky and the zany. After all, 2021’s debut was a Resident Evil inspired rock opera. But I haven’t heard that, so I’m taking this on face value. And I’m afraid it bounced off me like a golf ball off a trampoline. 

The first track doesn’t really light the fires. A rather average version of Shania Twain’s ‘That Don’t Impress Me Much’, which I did learn was co-written by ‘Mutt’ Lange, leaves you scratching your head in confusion. It’s a strange choice, and the clunky delivery really does nothing. The Jetzons were an 80s new-wave group from Tempe, Arizona. Apparently, there’s a whole rabbit hole involving Michael Jackson to dive down if you want to look deeper into the wider aspects, including the association of keyboardist Brad Buxer. ‘Hard Times’ is rumoured to be the basis for video game Sonic 3 Ice Cap Zone, it’s a reasonable cover. There’s a Talking Heads vibe to the song, which doesn’t really go anywhere but does at least feature a bit more heft and interest than the first song. 

Moving even wider afield, the final song is ‘Bloody Tears’, originally written by Kenichi Matsubara, Konami Kukeiha Club, Nazo² Project, Naoto Shibata, Ornell Jones, and Joey McCoy. Again, I’m mystified about it, since it was featured in the first place on 1987’s Konami’s “Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest” soundtrack. This version combines previous styles into one neoclassical, metallic monstrosity.

It features some shining guitar work, but is still chaos unleased from start to finish. It’s too crazy for me to take seriously, and that flippant approach is another element of quiet confusion.

Ultimately, an old man like me is unlikely to be the targeted audience for this project. I wish them luck, but it’s not one I’ll be returning to anytime soon. 

TRACKLISTING:
01. That Don’t Impress Me Much
02. hard Times
03. Bloody Tears

LINE-UP:
Elly Lock – Vocals on 01
Tom Kemworth – Lead Guitar on 01
Sam Khaneka – Guitar, Vocals, everything else.

LINKS:

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Paul Hutchings and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

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