Surya – Absolver
Roasted by Rob Sutton
Leeds-based Post-Metalcore band Surya were my next victims, they were formed from the ashes of Autocracy (who might I add actually won their metal to the masses, unlike these guys). It seems the members that made Autocracy good didn’t transfer across to Surya, which is a shame as I really dig that band. Never mind lets go with the review of the dregs.
Beginning, as always with the genre… Post-Metalcore, I think this is another band trying to be relevant in an ever more dense genre such as metalcore by calling themselves ‘Post.’ The most ‘Post’ thing about this band is the strongly worded letter of displeasure I sent them after watching these monochromed bellends earlier this year. This experience was about as pleasurable as inserting an umbrella up my arse and then opening it. There is nothing new or for that matter original; we have a lead guitar fiddling away over a main riff, probably as practice for when he finally gets a girlfriend. There is a definite waft of virginity with this band. Anyway onto the vocals, while it sounds powerful, it is dryer than my Nan’s crotch and she’s dead. Plus we have minimal range, just a mid growl style with a pitiful attempt at a guttural. Synthy bits in the background seem to me to be like using Oust on a dance club toilet, you know full well the stench in there is horrific and no amount of it will cover the over powering scent of excrement, that’s exactly what these synths feel like, an attempt to mask the monstrosity with something pretty. Yeah… no. I see through your Oust!
In case you didn’t know, this song is called Absolver. I think Surya have memory loss as they have to repeat the name of the song numerous times just so they remember. Sadly this generic Metalcore (not post) does get stuck in my head; luckily I’m due for brain surgery next week so this should sort that problem out. The whole song seems to do its best to stand out but sadly just sounds like a slightly more technical version of Architects, a sound every single fucking band is going for right now. So Rob’s top tip for creating a new band, listen to Architects, copy it badly, come up with a name that is almost impossible for anyone to pronounce correctly, wear what you would consider to be cool clothing (if you are still in college) and you are there! Christ, even call yourselves Surya then you too won’t play bloodstock!
Bass time! Yes you can actually hear the bass… that is all.
This roast was done with full consent of the band Surya and does not represent my actual opinions of the band… Yeah, you know what? Monochromed Architects Wannabes!
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