Torso – A Crash Course in Terror

A Crash Course in Terror Album Cover Art

Torso – A Crash Course in Terror
APF Records
Release date: 27/01/2023
Running time: 30:00
Review by Alun Jones

BLEEAUURRRGH!!! It’s a jump scare to wake anyone out of hibernation, running for safety behind the sofa. What a way to start the year! APF records present “A Crash Course in Terror”, the debut album from Torso. Formed from the smouldering corpse of Possessor by that band’s Graham Bywater (frontman / guitarist), Torso skulk in a murky Grindhouse nightmare.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. ‘Heads Start to Roll’ introduces the album with a John Carpenter-esque, menacing, keyboard-led theme which immediately unsettles the listener. Then the chainsaw guitars cut through, the song erupts, and the listener is dragged along by the scalp in a ferociously paced fairground ride from hell. 

The retro, electro keyboard themes dotted throughout help to set this album apart in its own fuzzy VHS world. Spooky instrumentals like ‘Pranks’, ‘Depth Charge’ and ‘Death TV’ add a dread atmosphere, part Prog and part video nasty soundtrack.

‘Sinking Spell’ is like The Melvins rocking out to a Texas Chainsaw Massacre back projection. The lo-fi, raw sound of the heavier numbers keeps everything within the Torso world: ‘Precious Blood’ could be a punked up hybrid of Angel Witch and Electric Wizard. Finally, the epic ‘Circuit Breaker Breaker’ has a B-movie, doom metal fury that sounds as if the final survivor is running for their life from a vicious psycho killer.

My only complaint with this album is that at just 30 minutes, it’s a little short – I’d have loved another 5 minutes of mayhem. But at least “A Crash Course in Terror” is to the point. That’s much preferable to yet another 80-minute Metallica album – I haven’t finished listening to all the songs on their last record yet…

“A Crash Course in Terror” by Torso. A fantastic, gruesome recording and a perfect start to the year. Can 2023 get any better?

01. Heads Start to Roll
02. Pranks
03. Sinking Spell
04. Depth Charge
05. Precious Blood
06. Death TV
07. Circuit Breaker Breaker

Graham Bywater – All instrumentation and lyrics 
Wayne Adams – Keyboards on 2, 4 and 7


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Alun Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Battalions – King of a Dead World

King of a Dead World Album Cover Art

Battalions – King of a Dead World
APF Records
Release date: 21/10/2022
Running time: 31 mins
Review by: Alun Jones

Battalions return with a pummelling new album, “King of a Dead World” from APF Records. The APF label can be relied upon for quality releases, and there’s no doubting that here. Born of Hullfire – well, they come from Hull – and unleashed in streams of molten lava from the deepest catacombs, here Battalions are channelling all of their experience into a recording of sheer, elemental power.

It falls on the humbled shoulders of yours truly to attempt some journalistic summary of what we have here. But in short – if you’re already a fan of (or just familiar) with Battalions, just go ahead and buy this now. If you’re a new or curious listener, be prepared for a lesson in dense, thick Sludge. With a capital ‘S’.

The music Battalions let loose on the world combines the heaviosity of Sludge with a persistent groove, underlined with the unrelenting intensity of Hardcore. First track ‘Green Boots’ demonstrates this perfectly, with a crushing riff that can make the listener nod their head and scream along.

Phil Wilkinson’s vocals are a harsh growl, well suited to the ferocity of tracks like ‘Parasite’. The guitars of Pete Cross are punishing but also full of variety, as shown on ‘Coughing Nails’ (great title). Meanwhile, Matthew Dennett on bass and Simon Harrison on drums manage to keep it all on track with precision.

‘Bones to Dust’ was another track that particularly impressed; a calmer start (by comparison) that erupts into a huge, bouncing riff which will sandpaper your face off.

“King of a Dead World” is chock full of great ideas and delivers on all of them. Though relatively short at 31 minutes, the album wastes nothing and doesn’t out stay it’s welcome – you’ll want to replay it again and again. It’s unforgiving, powerful and noisy – there’s no slumber on the Humber here. Instead, join Battalions on the Highway to Hull, it’s a full on, exciting ride and you won’t regret it.  

01. Green Boots
02. Coughing Nails
03. Diagnosis Fucked
04. Bones to Dust
05. No Safe Place
06. Parasite
07. Light a Fire
08. King of a Dead World

Phil Wilkinson – Vocals
Pete Cross – Guitars
Matthew Dennett – Bass
Simon Harrison – Drums


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Alun Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Made of Teeth – Sociopathogen

Sociopathogen Album Cover Art

Made of Teeth – Sociopathogen
APF Records
Release Date: 24/06/22
Running Time: 30:00
Review by Paul Hutchings

Holy shit!  THE album to strip wallpaper has arrived. Literally. Welsh trio Made of Teeth roll back into town to take all the spoils with this filthy combination of Hardcore and Metal all rolled up in one nasty, noisy cacophony that crushes from start to finish. 

For those unaware, Made of Teeth comprise members or ex- members of Lacertilia, Spider Kitten and Taint. Formed in 2017, which seems aeons ago, the band provide a formidable force both live and in the studio.

“Scoiopathogen” sees Made of Teeth in imperious form. There are riffs for days. And days. It’s heaviness on a par with a herd of elephants. The compositions are gnarly, ugly, and totally compelling. The driving power is relentless, a crushing feeling that is overwhelming to the point where resistance is ultimately futile. 

Whether it is the punishing sludge of opening track ‘Four’ or the suffocating feel of ‘Never Heard of Them,’ this is an album that simply bristles with energy and ferocity. The songs are short, fast, and furious, and all guaranteed to get the head nodding along in time with the aural onslaught that Made of Teeth unleash.

There are Sludgy passages, Hardcore elements and even some dirty Grind in the shape of ‘What’s the Time’. Basically, this is an album that transcends genres. The Mastodon-esque assault on ‘Four’ is the start of thirty minutes of high tempo, bludgeoning Metal.  You can’t help but nod along to ‘Strutter Bubble’ which gallops at speed, thick riffs and shouting vocals adding to the overall messages contained within their music. 

“Sociopathogen” is unrelenting in its savagery and technical know how. There is the crushing slowness of ‘Low on Water’ with its sudden increase into a Punk-fused vibe and the horror driven ‘J.T.W’ which is musical brutality. The vocals range, all guttural, snarly and angry, whilst the guitar work is probably one of my favourite parts of the album. 

By the time you get to the finale of ‘Pearly Whites’ there can be no denying what you’ve experienced. Hard, fast and with an edge that Is both reliable and yet completely unpredictable. It’s a musical oxymoron but one that reaps the benefits.  If you worship at the Lord of the Riff, then Made of Teeth’s new release should be one for you to check out.

‘What’s The Time’ Official Video

01. Four
02. Three4a1er
03. Stutter Bubble
04. Low on Water
05. J.T.W.
06. Small Operation
07. Pick a Pocket
08. Shotgun Steve
09. Never Heard of Them
10. What’s the Time
11. Pearly Whites

Steve-O Jones – Drums And Vocals
Tom Cole – Bass And Vocals
Chris West – Guitar And Vocals


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Paul Hutchings and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

TOOM – Behold The Basilisk EP

Behold The Basilisk EP Cover Art

TOOM – Behold The Basilisk EP
APF Records
Release Date: 01/10/2021
Running Time: 21:27
Review by: Alun Jones

Let’s start with a history lesson.  The “Behold the Basilisk” EP by TOOM is a dug-up time capsule, having been recorded in January 2010.  The band themselves were formed in 2007, and split not long after this recording.  What could have been a long-lost curio, to be spoken of fondly by the few who had inside knowledge, has now been reanimated and set loose by APF records.

What we have is an EP consisting of four stoner doom tracks from an extinct trio.  Like those ape dudes at the start of “2001: A Space Odyssey”, Teddy-James Driscoll, Jus Smith and Jack Newnham have been enlightened by a big, Black Sabbath obelisk – the legacy of which has been excavated for our enjoyment.

‘Snake Chalmers’ opens things up, with an acoustic guitar intro that’s highly reminiscent of those mellow Iommi passages from ‘Master of Reality’.  It’s a beautiful, yet deceptive beginning to a collection of crushingly heavy music. Play it for Granny, she’ll be surprised as fuck when the lethal riffage of ‘There’s Nothing Cute About Cobras’ revs up and creates utter destruction.  Growling vocals and gruesome, pounding guitars are where we’re at here.

It’s a similar approach for ‘Mandark’, though this track throws in some variations in riffs and tempo, with a short, but killer “quieter” section.  Here, and on the final song, ‘Decapodiformes’, there’s a hint of influence from the likes of Sleep, High On Fire, and Mastodon – with relentless, mighty riffs powering through.       

Gone but nor forgotten, then: it’s introducing and welcoming back TOOM on this impressive EP.  Makes you wonder what might have been…

01. Snake Chalmers
02. There’s Nothing Cute About Cobras
03. Mandark
04. Decapodiformes


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Alun Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Lair Of The White Worm – EP1

Lair Of The White Worm EP1 Cover Art

Lair Of The White Worm – EP1
APF Records / Trepanation Recordings
Release Date: 15.10.21
Running Time: 21:25
Review by ‘Dark Juan’

Alright, my lovelies? It is Dark Juan here, and as I write this, I am being stared at by two moon-eyed, transforming witch-hares, who are in their turn surrounded by a taxidermied crow, and a goat skull. These are still in the house after I cheerfully conveyed Mrs Dark Juan, a cat familiar call Rutterkin, Black Shuck (that hound just don’t give a fuck! Yes, I know it is a lyric from The Darkness, and no, I couldn’t give a fuck either), and yet another mid-transformation witch hare, (Mrs Dark Juan appears to have found an untapped worldwide gap in the market for disturbing, bouncy, possessed animals) to the populous and august conurbation that is known as Scunthorpe! It will be accompanying us on our jollies to lovely old Whitby, to be given to the nice people who have permitted us to take the Smellhounds to the cottage we are renting from them for a week. They will probably regret this mightily after we depart. In the meantime, I am quite unwell (and am writing this while ensconced upon my sofa of abject agony, and probably death) and have managed to successfully not utter the cry frequently heard from Grimsby, “Who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?”

Obviously, this is a disgraceful state of affairs, and one that is not condoned by Dark Juan AT ALL. Even when the good burghers of Bury, Lancashire have historically referred to the town I grew up in, being Radcliffe, as “Dog Shit Valley”. Even though it is depressingly accurate. Thank whichever deity of you choose for Yorkshire, I say. Anyway, Mrs Dark Juan has pieces being displayed in an exhibition of Lincolnshire folklore and witchcraft at the North Lincolnshire Museum in Scunthorpe at the end of October until March 2022 and I really think if you’re nearby you should possibly attend. You can gain entrance for free, gratis, and for nothing, to quote Terry “The Metal Bastard” Wogan. Gratuitous plug over…

As you have no doubt deduced from the title of this thing I laughingly call a journalistic article, I am listening to the thoughtfully named “EP1” from Lair Of The White Worm, being the musical project of Napalm Death’s (as well as Malevolent Creation, Corrupt Moral Altar, and Venomous Concept) John Cooke. Clearly, this is a man who does not like sitting still and being quiet, as he has created a work of superior industrial malevolence. The mix and production of the record backs this up, being not so much a production job as a head-mashing maschinenklang of hyperbolic proportions. There are times when roaring, greasy metallic noise overwhelms everything else, but this EP is an object lesson of music being power, and power being delivered rather more like a steam-powered jackhammer breaking up concrete, as opposed to a seamless application of precision like a lathe. Precise this record isn’t. It’s the musical equivalent of smoke belching diesel engines, groaning and clanking tank tracks, and field guns lobbing 40-pound shells over your head.

Imagine, if you will, a machine composed of parts of Godflesh, P.H.O.B.O.S, Lament Cityscape, early Pitch Shifter (when they were good and when they weren’t trying to turn themselves into a shitty version of the already shitty Spineshank), Pigface, The Berzerker, Meathook Seed, and Killing Joke. Now imagine the unholy racket that combination would produce. Congratulations! You are now traumatised! And probably in need of psychological help! But you also now know what Lair Of The White Worm sound like. 

The opening track, ‘Virtu’, actually hurts to listen to loud, such is the puissance of the blackened industrial music it employs, and especially the vocal of Corrupt Moral Altar’s Chris Reese (John Cooke is a band mate) which shriek and howl above the sonic corruption like some kind of demented banshee overseer in a Satanic steel mill. The music throughout the EP encompasses every guitar effect known to man, e-bows being used on ultrafuzzy bass guitar, samples of insane gabbling, Presidential addresses and news reports, and everything in between.

The music is all downtuned to B, and is soupy and cloying and oily and greasy. It is the antithesis of the super polished American sounds of Ministry, Fear Factory and their ilk. Lair Of The White Worm are the matt black, rusty, and noisy equivalent to the shiny, streamlined, and chromed American industrial blueprint, and are far better for it. There is a palpable sense of menace and sheer mechanical murder around Lair Of The White Worm that I haven’t heard in the British music since The Machinist, and have never heard in American Industrial at all.

The whole record is an aural assault on the senses. Played in a live setting, Lair Of The White Worm’s music would plaster the entire audience against the back wall, to collapse bonelessly on the floor, weeping and broken. This doesn’t mean there aren’t changes of dynamic on the record, however. The last song on the EP (‘Waster’) is a chimeric mix of Killing Joke style dynamics, and P.H.O.B.O.S’ lo-fi, ultra-percussive assault, and is absolutely fucking superb. An echoey vocal gives way to a primal roar and the music switches from “gentle”, lazy chords to comprehensive sonic destruction. I listened to this with cans on, and Mrs Dark Juan had to ask what I was listening to, and to turn it down because she could hear it across the room. She is not a fan…

Based on my listening over the past few weeks, pandemic isolation has brought us a fucking colossal seam of magnificent metal music. There simply is no excuse, based on the quality of the releases I have chosen to review recently, for ANYONE to be releasing an average or sub-par record. The bar has been lifted impossibly high and it’s up to everyone to keep fucking pushing. Metal, in all its myriad forms, has never been so healthy or vibrant or interesting, and Lair Of The White Worm have released a fucking industrial classic!

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has been sitting quietly for around 20 minutes now, trying to unpick bits of his brain matter from the tapestry behind him. It is yet another 10/10 for Lair Of The White Worm and their unadulterated aural Armageddon. I’m getting bored of having to be nice to everyone. Is it time for a Warrior Soul release yet?!

01. Virtu
02. Isolation
03. Bankrupt Morality
04. Into Ludes
05. Misery Box
06. Waster

John Cooke 

With help from:
Tom Dring 
Chris Reese


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of ‘Dark Juan’ and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Barbarian Hermit – One Remastered

One Reissue Album Cover Art

Barbarian Hermit – One Remastered
APF Records
Release Date: 29/01/2021
Running time: 48:18
Review by Alun Jones

Writing these reviews for Ever Metal isn’t easy, you know. I’m sure I speak for the whole writing team when I say that we pour our heart and soul into all our prose. Each of us lives with the fear of the dreaded Writer’s Block, gnawing at our bones. So, I decided that my review of this reissue of the 2016 debut album by Barbarian Hermit, released by the mighty APF Records, would need some help.

But who could assist with such a task? Why none other than my old friend, Volkrugg the Decimator – barbarian warlord of Ages Long Forgotten. Of course: no-one is better qualified! And seeing as I’ve basically been a hermit for the last year, between us we should have it covered.

Take it away, Volkrugg…

“Greetings, people of the 21st Century! I am Volkrugg the Decimator – warlord of the Mist Realm, conqueror of the Thorspian cities, leader of the barbarian hordes of Vossk. My good friend, Al, has begged me for my musings concerning the recorded work of Barbarian Hermit, and lo – I shall render it unto thee with vicious glee!

“From the very start, these seven songs burst forth like an army of Ionian Thrask Vandals! They wield their war axes with vengeful power, surging down from the mountains on thundering hooves of hell. The brief respite of sometime calmer moods offer shelter from the maelstrom of war, yet always the majesty and power of conflict lurks temptingly!

“Verily, hearing these odes, I was mindful of my fallen brothers from glorious battles past – gone but ne’er forgotten, proudly drinking and brawling in Valhalla!”

There you go, I couldn’t have said it better myself. “One” is a great, sludgy, fuzzy celebration of relentless force and mesmerising intricacies. Both Volkrugg, his band of berserker warriors and myself are all big fans. You’d be a fool of mythic proportions to miss this album, and be warned – Volkrugg fed his last court jester to a tiger. Barbarian Hermit reviewed by a barbarian and a hermit – you can’t get a more honest opinion than that.

Through The Periscope Of The Deadly Sub (Audio)

01. Mermaid
02. Tigerhorse
03. Burn The Fire
04. Barbarian Enforcement Agency
05. Alma
06. Widowmaker
07. Through The Periscope Of The Deadly Sub (Bonus Track)

Simon Scarlett – Vocals
Mike Regan – Guitars
Adam Robertshaw – Guitars
Chris Wood – Bass
Loz Brindley – Drums


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Alun Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

The Brothers Keg – Folklore, Myths And Legends Of The Brothers Keg

The Brothers Keg – Folklore, Myths And Legends Of The Brothers Keg
APF Records
Release Date: 11/09/2020
Running Time: 43:45
Review by Alun Jones

And lo, the ancient seers have foretold of the coming of the Brothers Keg. Anticipation building slowly, the wise masters of APF Records have foretold a fortuitous event, something that would elate the masses and bring joyous union to the land. At least it feels that way! Old Al can’t be the only one who’s been expecting something special with this release?

The Brothers Keg are a three-piece band from London way, comprising Tom Fyfe on drums, Tom Hobson on guitar and vocals and Paul Rosser on bass/vocals. Together, their music is colossal stoner/doom with a huge sound, massive ambition, and a fine angle on self-mythologising. The result is an album so epic, so over the top, and downright fun, that the Brothers deserve every ounce of assured swagger that they no doubt possess.

Tom Hobson himself describes the sound as “HP Lovecraft meets Queen’s ‘Flash Gordon’ listening to Jeff Wayne’s ‘War of the Worldsat the wrong speed, smoking a medieval spliff dipped in poppers.” That’s this review written really – do I need to sell this any harder to you?!

If you need more persuasion, imagine a cult sci-fi fantasy B-movie soundtrack featuring spoken word narration and bludgeoning riffs, and you’re halfway there. Tracks like ‘Moorsmen’, and ‘The Army Of The Thirsty Blade Approaches’, are skull splittingly mighty, generating a genuine feeling of excitement.

‘No Earthly Form’, and ‘Brahman’ have it all: heavy guitar and pounding rhythm; countered with atmospheric psychedelia that the listener can absorb like a movie. ‘Brahman’ is nearly 13 minutes of music that doesn’t outstay it’s welcome: from meditative chanting, a killer stoner riff, and washes of acid-soaked guitars creating a spacious landscape.

The narration adds to the band’s mystique without being cheesy or silly. Yes, it’s all ridiculously good fun – but the sheer weight of musical invention adds up to something exceptional. Add in some glorious cover artwork (that looks like a cyborg He-Man pursued by a demented Skeletor) and “Folklore, Myths And Legends Of The Brothers Keg” possesses an undeniable charisma. I want the vinyl, the t-shirt, the poster – I want everything! Hell, I want Brothers Keg action figures (with weapons and musical accessories, features small parts, ages 3 and up) and I want them NOW!

Another contender for album of the year? You betcha.

Of course, the Brothers Keg aren’t the only famous brothers in rock. Those crazy Van Halen boys are two of my favourites – oh, I used to have some wild times with them. Like the time they pulled the thread out of the crotch of David Lee Roth’s pants, so when he performed one of his patented scissor jumps – the pants split, and Diamond Dave’s family jewels were revealed for all. You didn’t need to be in the front row to see it everything, I can tell you.

Dave had his revenge at a later gig, though. Backstage, he switched out the blue M&Ms in a complimentary dish for laxative pills; Eddie’s tight white trousers were not a pleasant site at all that night. Now you know why their rider has always stipulated the blue M&Ms are removed ever since…

01. Moorsmen
02. From the Records of Arthur Shnee
03. No Earthly Form
04. The Ice Melteth
05. Introducing the Brothers Keg
06. Brahman
07. The Army of the Thirsty Blade Approaches
08. Castle Keg
09. Epilogue

Tom Fyfe – Drums
Tom Hobson – Guitar/Vocals
Paul Rosser – Bass/Vocals


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Alun Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Desert Storm – Omens

Desert Storm – Omens
APF Records
Release Date: 01/05/2020
Running Time: 39:46
Review by Alun Jones

Put your feet up, relax – pour yourself a drink and take the weight off your feet. All you need to do is chill – I’ve already done the hard work. I’ve found your new favourite band: they’re called Desert Storm, and their latest album has just been released by APF records.

If you’re new to the name, Desert Storm are from merry old Oxford; and since forming in 2007, have been building their following formidably. They’ve appeared at major rock festivals; plus supported and toured with some personal heroes of mine (Corrosion of Conformity, The Atomic Bitchwax amongst others). I saw Desert Storm a few years ago supporting the mighty Karma to Burn; they managed to steal the show from the headliners, as far as I was concerned.

Opening with a sombre, haunting spoken word piece, “Omens” proceeds to take the listener on a journey that is powerful, yet also introspective. It’s an otherworldly trip that’s both visceral and immediate, but also demands greater exploration.

‘Black Bile’ demonstrates the strategy perfectly: heavy, grinding and relentless – with moments of melody that blend into the whole without jarring. In absolute basics, this is the sludge of Down combined with the aspirational progressiveness of Mastodon. Thudding, head banging riffs adorn ‘Vengeful Gods’, but there’s also an almost Morricone-like cinematic sensation as the song develops and grows.

At times anthemic, there are also magnificently effective sections of the songs that contrast beautifully with the hard driving doom metal.  ‘Pain, Grief And Suffering’ features an extended mid-section that is beguilingly serene. When the heavy re-enters, it’s all the more neck-breakingly persuasive. Throw in a captivating solo and you’re on to a highlight.

‘The Path Of Most Resistance’ builds from humble beginnings to a massive groove riff of Sabbathian splendour; whilst ‘Lockjaw’ is short and brutal. This leads us to the final track, ‘Rebirth’: a masterpiece that is heavy only in sentiment. What a song. Despite a medieval vibe, it’s the ideal soundtrack to spin whilst driving through the desert in a stolen Dodge Challenger as the sun sets, with Smokey on your tail.

Every song on “Omens” can be enjoyed on its own merits, but as a whole plays as a genuine compendium that the listener can enjoy from start to finish. I knew Desert Storm were good, but I didn’t expect them to have grown so much. Or deliver a new album with so much scope. Here’s a British band that could step up into national – and then international – consciousness. They just need your support. Do it. I’m off to buy the vinyl version.

Talking about deserts – did I tell you about that infamous escapade on one of my legendary soul-searching soirees into the Mojave? I crept into my usual cave to seek shelter, only to encounter Jim bloody Morrison hogging it. He was out of his gourd on peyote and mumbling about Aldous Huxley or some such. There was no way I could meditate with that loon around, so I threw him out. Break through that to the other side, Jimbo! My Yaqui shaman and I needed the space to contact Atlantis.

01. Omens
02. Black Bile
03. Vengeful Gods
04. Pain, Grief and Suffering
05. The Path Of Most Resistance
06. The Machine
07. Lockjaw
08. Rebirth

Chris White – Guitar, Bass, Keyboards, Backing Vocals
Ryan Cole – Guitar
Chris Benoist – Bass
Elliot Cole – Drums
Matthew Ryan – Vocals


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Alun Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Trippy Wicked and The Cosmic Children of The Knight – Moving On Singles


Trippy Wicked and The Cosmic Children of The Knight – Moving On Singles
APF Records
Release Date: 30/10/2019
Running Time: 21:24
Reviewed By: Dark Juan

Good evening, my initiates. It is I, the Ipsissimus of all things Groovy, Dark Juan, and I am here to take your mind off the mundane and into realms of cosmic thought never truly encompassed in the human journey before. Or I could just write a record review.
However, I’m sure you have all become accustomed to me babbling incoherently about anything but the record I am supposed to be writing about AND THIS TIME IS GOING TO BE NO DIFFERENT! However this time, it’s a simple message I want to share with you all. After all this unpleasantness to do with rich bastards squabbling over who gets to tell us what to do and lying about what they will give you to make you like them is out of the way (they won’t give you what they promise anyway) take the time to reconnect with people who might have different opinions to you.
Love everyone without question, my people, for that is what makes the world a better place. Not which motherfucker in a suit sits in a leather chair and talks a lot. Love each other and for fuck’s sake look for the good in each other because I have never seen such venom and vitriol flying amongst friends before. It’s fucking depressing to see friendships that are years old fall apart because of shitposting on the internet. Us alternative people only have each other to depend on – so fucking love each other, drink the fucking beer, smoke the fucking weed, hug fucking strangers and turn them into fucking friends and dance the fuck out of every piece of metal you hear. So sayeth My gospel. Here endeth the sermon…
Trippy Wicked and The Cosmic Children of The Knight. Now there’s a name to conjure with and no mistake. I like it. I like it a lot. This EP comprises four songs that didn’t make the Movin On (I hate it when bands do this. There’s a G at the end of the word for a reason. STOP IT FOR FUCK’S SAKE!) album recorded in 2009 and as the demented pscyhonauts themselves put it, “10 songs had made the album while the other 4 went in the cupboard under the stairs and were forgotten about for a while. Since then we’ve played a whole bunch of gigs, released another album and a few EPs, went on a few tours around the UK and Germany, and generally did what bands do. The 10 year anniversary is a perfect opportunity for us to revisit the recording on Movin On, give those 4 extra songs a release and finally share them with our fans. So here they are. Dig it.”
Quite. So here we have four songs based on absolute fuzz heaven. Fuzzy fuzzy fuzz fuzz with a bit of fuzz-wah thrown in for variety. It is stoner doom distilled down to the most basic elements of stoner doom – highly distilled Sabbath riffs, lazy tempos, thunderous fuzzy bass (if only the bass player was called Fozzy, then my life would be complete) and a drummer who seems intent on reducing his drums to their component atoms instead of playing them.
Opening track “Evil” starts with the sound of a bad earth before the instruments all kick in together with the kind of punch in the guts a certain Mr. Tyson might deliver if you upset him and a heartbreakingly beautiful palindromic riff of such stoner splendour this hellpriest fell to his knees and wept against the sofa. Hodgson Fartpants (the only dog to be classified as an illegal chemical weapon under both NATO rules and the Geneva Convention. Not even the Russians would have him) was sat on it at the time and gave me a look best described as quizzical and not “What the fucking fuck is that fucking demented human bastard doing this time and why does it not involve feeding me?” It is very, very good as it stomps all over the landscape like some kind of ironclad assault walker. Vocals from Peter Holland are very Ozzy-esque as well, having that high pitched, throaty and raw quality that the auteur Mr. Osbourne had when he fronted Sabbath the first time.
Track two “Hark At You” is more of the same wholesome stoner wonderfulness but a bit faster this time, as if the boys had put down the weed and decided a bit of the old Billy Whizz was the way to go this time. It’s a bit of a goer, this song, like it’s had its arse whipped sore by a vigorous rider and moves along at a brisk canter.
“Things Go Up” is the third song in. This is where Peter decided that we needed to hear his fuzz-wah. He was right. We all needed to hear his fuzz-wah. Fuzz-wah me, baby. It’s soooooooooo good. I love it when you fuzz-wah me. Don’t stop. Drummer Chris West had apparently also decided that his cymbals had to die on this song and gave his crashes the kind of thrashing that only Basil Fawlty can deliver with any conviction.
The final song on the record is called “I Wanna Be” and sees the entire fucking kitchen being thrown at the song, not just the sink. There’s wah, there’s phaser, there’s the kind of monolithic riffs Kirk Windstein and Tony Iommi would face off in a grim battle to the death to claim to have written. And the bass. Oh, the bass. Dicky King (probably deploying the smile of champions he is displaying in the band photo) goes into some kind of fuzz nirvana and disappears (in my head anyway) into a pineal focus streaming outwards from his third eye in glorious psychotropic colour, dissolving into a self-contained universe of the groove…
Ok, I have managed to contain myself. It’s cost me a pair of pants, as it usually does. Trippy Wicked are awesome. Buy their music.
Trippy Wicked, I salute you. Now I’m going to drink this beer.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System is floating motionless in a universal groove constant and awards Trippy Wicked etc etc 9/10 for a trip through the psychedelic heartlands that leaves me wanting more…
Hark At You
Things Go Up
I Wanna Be
Trippy Wicked and The Cosmic Children of the Knight are: quite clearly insane.
Pete Holland – vocals, guitars, brass, slightly worrying propensity to look at your left ear when talking to you.
Dicky King – bass, winning smile, award winning face fuzz.
Chris West – drums, knowing smirk. This man has seen things – things that would fuck you right up.
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