Black Mass – Involuntary Semen Ingestion
Roasted by Rob Sutton
A solo project from Shottingham which started in 2018 called Black Mass is my next victim for these roasts, and first off let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way. It’s a solo project because clearly no one wants to join in on this putrid stain on the Brutal Death Metal scene, or they just have no friends, I mean the logo for a start is just a load of over cooked spaghetti thrown at a wall and then monochromed, if you can read the logo then fair play to you, god gifted you with the ability to decipher a 3 year olds doodle of a dog.
So this song, if you can call it that, starts with 3 hits of what can only be described as an empty Pringles tin which is then continuously used throughout the song much to my annoyance. Then we hit the vocals… Now the song is called ‘involuntary semen ingestion’ but by the sounds of this, it was voluntary. It’s like the vocalist was kneeling down letting a group of 12 guys ejaculate into their mouth before attempting to make noise down a microphone. Perhaps the song should be called ‘voluntary bukakke gargle’ to me that perfectly describes the sound of this voice. Are there even lyrics in this? For those blessed with the ability to hear I beg you to try and decipher what’s being said. To me it’s just gargle, gargle, thur thur thur, attempted bree. I hear there are ‘how to’ videos on YouTube, try them or better yet go on pornhub and listen to how those whores take jizz down the throat and talk. Boy those videos are sexier than this.
More on the music, yes there is a guitar which I’m pretty sure has taken influence from Emmure’s writing as it is about as imaginative as ordering a fosters. Oh look, fast guitar, oooo breakdown, I’m having a breakdown. Honestly it takes a lot of guts to self produce music in your bedroom but I guess this is what happens when your social life is nonexistent and you spend your days wanking.
Oooo shit I forgot to mention the bass! Never mind, there isn’t one.
Disclaimer: This was written for comedic purposes only and was done with full consent of Black Mass. None of the above represents what I actually think of this song.
Again who am I kidding, Pringles Bukakke Gargle metal!
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Rob Sutton and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.