Mike McClatchey and Lament Cityscape

Lament Cityscape Logo

Mike McClatchey and Lament Cityscape
Roasted By Dark Juan

Now then, fiends, I am being fuelled by a surfeit of both petty, and rather less than petty rage of late. Not content with having to deal with the fact that the UK now has to deal with a woman who makes the animated bag of rancid custard that was our ex-prime minister seem like a fucking genius, Brexit making the simplest tasks more time consuming than the fucking mountain of paperwork that wrangling young people generates on a daily basis, and a certain Eastern leader deciding that they would take a leaf out of colonial Britain’s playbook and indulge in a bit of good old-fashioned gunboat diplomacy in a nation next door, I am fizzing with fury, so this is obviously an EXCELLENT time to have a bash at an American man who is on another, distant continent and CAN’T ACTUALLY GET HOLD OF ME TO EXACT PHYSICAL REVENGE…

So, Lament Cityscape. A musical endeavour created by a man so dour he could be a Buckfast-soaked vagrant from the arse end of Glasgow faced with an Englishman in Mike McClatchey, from a country that can’t even decide how to pronounce Spokane correctly, Lament Cityscape is a band that could only be enjoyed by people to whom music has no meaning. Appearing to be composed mainly of McClatchey chucking a load of pots and pans down some stone stairs repeatedly and recording the results before giving them incredibly pretentious titles like ‘A Rusting Moth’, Lament Cityscape occupy a kind of dark continuum that permits no light to enter, instead being a shadowy world of surprising descents of cast-iron kitchenware down barely visible stairways and some mad bastard chucking steel ladders about in an echoey warehouse. So, also like the rougher ends of Glasgow. Also, moths don’t fucking rust, Mike. They are organic and therefore will decompose naturally, or undergo the adipocere change if conditions are right for it. Happy to be of service…

Yes, dour is a perfect metaphor for Mike McClatchey, who has not been known to smile since at least 1993, and for whom delight, and probably orgasm, is undetectable via facial expression. Clearly taking his inspiration from Mount Rushmore, he is indeed craggy of countenance and Dark Juan is concerned that he is actually wearing the tanned face of a murder victim of his, rather than his OWN FACE, such is the blank-eyed immobility of his countenance. His outlook on life is so grim that the accidental running over of an angelic, curly blonde-haired toddler represents an uptick in his general mood. The last time any discernible emotion was detected in Mike McClatchey, there were a number of major earthquakes as fault lines fractured when he moved his face a mere three millimetres. He is the kind of man that, when faced with a major, life-changing disaster, will raise his eyebrow less than a centimetre and mutter something unspeakably horrible sotto-voce and go and hurl a bag full of rusting moths down the nearest fire-escape and record the resulting cacophony and call it music, to the horror and consternation of metal lepidopterists everywhere. And then will add the sounds of some explosions and possibly a toilet flushing before barking some non-linear words over it before thinking, “Fuck it, there’s the opening single of the next record.” 

And then name the album something like “The Endlessly Grey And Depressing Wet” which clearly proves that he has visited the North West of England at some point in his life, which frankly is depressing enough for anyone.

Lament Cityscape is regarded as an Industrial band. Throbbing Gristle were an Industrial band and they sounded like someone had really fucked up in the studio and had just recorded the commercial abattoir next door. Lament Cityscape are not like this.

Lament Cityscape sounds like someone putting up a garden shed REALLY quickly.

To conclude this entirely unjustified attack on an artist and his art then – If you want to hear music that sounds like the gearbox of a Challenger main battle tank giving up the ghost while it is travelling at speed, conceived and performed by a man for whom any emotion besides bleak, morbid or furious was purged via unspeakable means many years ago and, and I cannot stress this enough, is quite possibly a serial killer who DOES NOT WEAR HIS OWN FACE, I thoroughly recommend Lament Cityscape to your attention. Otherwise avoid it and him. He’s quite clearly fucking dangerously unhinged.

Disclaimer time, American legal enthusiasts and any people with no sense of humour who have taken the previous ranting seriously!!!!

This “piece” of “descriptive” writing was written with the full knowledge and permission of Mike McClatchey and has his blessing. This might change when he actually reads it online. For the record, however, I am proud to call Mike McClatchey a personal friend (this also might change after he reads this piece), a gentleman of the highest calibre and a superb musician. Also for the record, Dark Juan is a rabid and enthusiastic fan of Lament Cityscape and their vastly superior Industrial music. I commend every record the band has made to your attention for they are truly superb. Good evening.

Send any legal enquiries to Beth “I’ve Got One Fist Of Iron, And One Fist Of Steel, If The Left One  Don’t Get You, The Right One Will” Jones, Ever-Metal.com Headquarters, 3rd Builders Skip on the left, Ystad Ddiwydiannol, Wrecsam, Gogledd Cymru. 


Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Lament Cityscape – The Old Wet EP

The Old Wet EP Cover Art

Lament Cityscape – The Old Wet EP
Release Date: 21/12/2020
Running Time: 16:43
Review by Dark Juan

Good evening, you fine people out there. I trust you are all well and not tearing at each other’s flesh with nails and knives because your significant other has been breathing too loudly and in a deliberately antagonistic fashion? Well, if the annoying bastard or bitch you married has ceased their foul respiration, I request and require that you remove your teeth from the ragged, reddened ruin that is the remains of their throat and go and give your face a bit of a wash. You might wanna brush your teeth too. You look like you’ve been eating raw beefburgers and there are dangly bits of flesh between them and it is a singularly unattractive look. Flossing after using your organic mouth knives to remove voiceboxes is vitally important for good oral health.

After that extremely timely public information message I wish to share with you my views about Buffalo, Wyoming, USA based industrialists Lament Cityscape. “The Old Wet” is the last in a three EP cycle, comprised of “The New Wet” and “The Pulsing Wet” and is the record that that accepts change is occurring and that fighting against it is futile, when the previous two EPs in this adventurous concept cycle examined the fight against change and transformation. This is a three track EP, so because it’s so short I’ll briefly describe each musical piece (there is a good reason I haven’t used the word song…)

The first track is entitled ‘A Rusting Moth’ and encompasses a slowly and malignantly building soundscape from a deceptively simple and gentle sounding piano riff before there feeds in a heavily distorted and engineered animalistic roar and the biggest drums I have ever heard – all supremely destructive bass drum and floor toms rattling my skull, with a bassline that has been transformed by distortion and fuzz into some kind of sinuously weaving poisonous killing machine and keyboards, guitar, bass and voice combining into one massively unstoppable juggernaut of pure sound that is aimed squarely between your immobilized, staring eyes. There are lyrics to this, but I’m fucked if I can hear them through the industrial degeneracy on display here. Rather splendid, actually.

The second piece is called ‘Among The Dead’ and is the most song-like entity on this recording, being as there are discernible lyrics and vocals among the utterly dour electronic sounds and drums used in exactly the same way Godflesh used to use them, not as rhythm instruments, but as the base propulsive force for the madness to build and for the music to assail your senses. Fucking hell, I have missed this style of industrial so bad – the style that sits squarely between metal and electronic music, gleefully raking in influences with both greedy robotic arms and shoving it into the titanium edged maw of its furnace and smelting and recasting them both into something that is shiny and new and ever closer to machinelike perfection. Hang on. The Borg. Lament Cityscape are the fucking Borg. You can’t fool me; you bunch of half-human drone scunners. I’ve set my weapons on a rotating modular frequency. Where’s your disturbingly pale and slippery yet still worryingly desirable Queen?

The final track is called ‘Coagulant’ and immediately reminds this jaded old hack and pretend music journalist of Nine Inch Nails as it combines more electronically enhanced vocal jabbering over a simplistic keyboard line (quite reminiscent of ‘La Mer’ by Trent and his bunch of strangely coiffed misfits, and the drums reminded me somewhat of “Industrial Complex”-era Nitzer Ebb) that repeats throughout the entire song overlaid with more of those propulsive, martial, organic drums and the seemingly omnipresent wall of sound that skirts the absolute edge of what could be considered music.

This EP is an extremely  truncated Very Good Thing. I feel cheated because the three pieces on the EP are so fucking good I need more and I am prepared to open my fucking veins to make it happen. Musically, I detect Nine Inch Nails (very obviously the version of NIN around “The Downward Spiral” when Reznor was at his most drug-fuelled, insane and violent) mixed with the sheer percussive overload and power of Godflesh in their “Streetcleaner” incarnation, fused with the avant-garde drone of Swans and finally combined with the hard-edged version of “Land Of Rape And Honey”-era Ministry.

This record is not electronic industrial. It is not industrial rock. It is not industrial metal. It is not industrial mixed with anything. It is simply INDUSTRIAL. It is pure and it is fucking good and I am literally signing off this review and going on Lament Cityscape’s Bandcamp and buying all their records within the next twenty fucking seconds.

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has picked its jaw back up off the floor and wired the fucker shut. It also awards Lament Cityscape 9/10 for a bloody good EP, although a mark is deducted simply because there was not enough music on the record to sate my desire for their industrial aural hellscapes. That’ll teach ‘em to give me more next time. Ha!

“The Old Wet” (Full EP)

01. A Rusting Moth
02. Among The Dead
03. Coagulant


Mike McClatchey
Seanan McCullough
David Small
Peter Layman
Lee Bartow
Live Drums, Additional Percussion And Additional Vocals by Ben Hirschfield


Lament Cityscape Promo Pic

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of ‘Dark Juan’ and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.