Iron Slug – Deceit and Misery
Iron Slug – Deceit and Misery
Road To Masochist
Release Date: 27/03/26
Running Time: 37:16
Review by Dark Juan
Graham’s Number/10
Once more into the breach, dear friends. I am Dark Juan, and I write total bollocks that is occasionally about music. However, even though I am one of the most misanthropic arseholes on the planet, I want to speak to you about the importance of friendships, regardless of their shape. My friendships are mainly remote, based on mutual love for Metal with people around the world, and it is fair to say that having these people in my life enrich it. Be this the abiding adoration I have for Graham Bonnet , his missus the delightful Beth-Ami Heavenstone or down to the scuzziest Irish Metallers like Garth from Devilsome (a terrifying man on whose right side I would like to stay as he could dismantle me with a single blow, such is his martial arts prowess) to the Doomiest Moon Doomsters like the General Shane Thirteen from They Watch Us From The Moon in the US, to non-musical people like my teenage friend Alan N currently practising law in the US or others that I have chosen to be quasi-family along the way, friendship is important. It is what keeps you grounded. Now, I know I take the piss out of Mrs Dark Juan frequently, but she is both my partner and my best friend at the same time and without her, I wouldn’t have been the slightly deranged man of letters I am or have got to the heights of my other profession, without her.
I take that back. She just came back from her studio and berated me for having the heating on even though I am suffering from something which makes me fucking freezing all the time and has attacked me with a serving spoon because I was in her way in the kitchen. I was making her a cup of tea at the time. Be careful who you spend your life with!
Seriously though, cherish your friends and loved ones, be they human, feline, canine or anything.
It is so with the brace of Wills that form Iron Slug. Now, they might need their big coats because they come from Kent and are therefore prone to being affected by weather that would prompt shorts and bikinis in the North, but they are fine chaps and well worth being friends with. It also helps that Iron Slug are a fucking kickass band, which I have been privileged to know since their inception and debut release, so it was with the greatest of pleasure I was given a copy of their first long player (having released two excellent EPs, links for the reviews of which can be found at https://www.ever-metal.com/2024/07/01/iron-slug-debauched-and-bored-ep/ and https://www.ever-metal.com/2024/12/11/iron-slug-unrepentant-grin-ep/) entitled “Deceit and Misery”. The Platter of Splatter ™ was not reverently removed from its alcove; it was bodily dragged into the lounge of Crow Cottage and forced to submit to my will (heheheh) and play this most anticipated album.
Well. Fuck me crossways.
Jesus Holy High Christ in a chariot-driven sidecar.
Iron Slug have done something wondrous. They have got even heavier. The Doom is now ultradoomy, universe-bending stuff and the Sludge is like a chunky soup of human flesh mixed with molasses and superglue. GuitarWill peels out riff after mountainous riff with consummate ease and BassWill underpins the superfuzzy, heavily distorted guitar with the kind of bottom end only seen in tunnel boring machines and your mum, done with a relaxed insouciance that just screams talent. Their songwriting sounds effortless, yet it is incredibly finely crafted.
Everything about this album is perfect. The production has bite and heft to it, the performances of both Wills are top-notch and staggeringly huge and the whole thing is that rarest of things – A Doom/ Sludge Metal album that is able to drag in listeners of other genres of Metal and has enough interest and hooks to drag them into the dark, dark, dripping world of Iron Slug and leave them there gasping and begging for more. This is Doom done right. Heavier than a planet landing squarely upon the unsuspecting bonce of the casual listener, yet catchy enough to drag them into paroxysms of something approaching orgasmic joy.
Dark Juan is not usually so effusive with praise. It’s not just because the Wills are friends, either. The music is that good, calling into mind Crowbar, with bits of Sylosis and They Watch Us From The Moon welded on for good measure. “Deceit and Misery” offers neither of these things, and therefore the Southern Jessies should be done under the Trades Description Act, because all they have brought Dark Juan is happiness, this because they have given me a record heavy enough to crush my brains out of my ears. It is all thunderous, berserk power that is horribly and determinedly focused on destruction of everything within sight.
Mention should also be made of the vocals of GuitarWill (who doubles up as VocalWill) and his sonorous, yet gravelly tones. They absolutely add a human quality to the record as they are rough at the edges, utterly committed and ridiculously powerful, yet still maintain an edge of melody and a cheerful, slightly disturbing friendliness which is mildly chilling. He stares into your soul when he sings. His voice is approachable and accessible at the same time suiting the heavier-than-the-entire-US-Navy-carrier-fleet music that Iron Slug plays, which is no mean feat, and this adds a dimension to their music that makes them able to transcend mere Sludgy Doom Metal and turns them into massively more than the sum of their parts. Every Metal fan will find something to enjoy on “Deceit and Misery”, even if it is a massive chorus, riffs that block out the sun because they are huge and chunky, fucking good tunes and grooves that last forever.
I will seriously be listening to this album in my grave. There is not a bad song on it. The only question is how Iron Slug are going to top this album because for a first long player, it is fucking incredible! You may have noticed that I have not discussed individual songs. That’s because they are all awesome.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has had to activate internal safeguards and has sedated Dark Juan as he had started muttering about happiness and how heaviness brings him joy. This normally ends up with a homicide somewhere and uncomfortable legal questions. The System has been broken by Iron Slug and it awarded a score of Graham’s Number/10 before it exploded. Sowerby Bridge will never be the same again.
TRACKLISTING:
01. A Calming Turmoil
02. Love Retires Under Night
03. Graceless Bodies
04. Die The Same
05. Ritualistic Feeding
LINE-UP:
Will B – Bass, drums and backing vocals
Will R – Guitars and lead vocals
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
