Thrashatouille

Thrashatouille, Pariah and Betray The Throne – The Blind Pig, Sowerby Bridge

Thrashatouille, Pariah and Betray The Throne
The Blind Pig, Sowerby Bridge
01/10/2022
Review by Dark Juan
10/10

Hello, ladies, gentlemen and people of all other genders. It is I, Dark Juan, and in a tumultuous divergence of form (mainly because I am totally misanthropic and suffer considerable social anxiety), I, in the august company of Mrs Dark Juan, actually ventured out of Dark Juan Terrace on a SATYRDAY (sic) no less – this for two reasons. Firstly, The Blind Pig is a venue well known to Mrs Dark Juan and myself, because we have been friends with Julie, the absolutely delightful landlady, for many years, and because Mrs Dark Juan has made another “wonderful” creation for her to be placed in the venue. This was a giant pig’s head that Mrs Dark Juan had mounted on a baroque frame. Nothing unusual there you might think?

Oh no. Oh, no, no, no, no!

Mrs Dark Juan has somehow contrived to make the pig’s head both terrifying AND also like it has been flayed, and now it is VERY angry and hell-bent on revenge. Unsurprisingly, Mrs Dark Juan thinks it is “cute”, Julie fucking loves it and stuck it on the wall next to the performance area between bands. One might think that the baleful glare of a pissed off, flayed pig monster would wonderfully focus the performances of the bands, wouldn’t one? Thankfully, your correspondent was there to report on the proceedings.

First to pass under the critical observation of Dark Juan is Thrashatouille, the food-based Thrash Metal band (sans bassist for this gig because the real world intervened and he had to go to work) fronted by fellow Ever-Metal.com alumnus and hyperactive metal pixie™ Rob Sutton, the Pastry Chef, who was a delightful young gentleman to meet, even if there was a raised eyebrow from the cake-fucking homunculus when a large and already inebriated beardy weirdy lurched menacingly towards him to say hello. Nevertheless, the band kicked off a fine evening of metal and shenanigans with their most original blend of fast thrashing and food-based puns. Even Mrs Dark Juan, who is notoriously hard to please, was charmed by the antics of Thrashatouille and their pint-sized fizzing firebomb of a frontman within two songs, but as a baker, she was utterly horrified and disgusted by the antics described in ‘Red Velvet Romance’, where the protagonist really LOVES cake and chooses to express his love of baked treats in a… priapic fashion. Our cheerful little golem of a frontman then smeared cake upon his face whilst roaring and howling like he had an entire regiment of large and well-endowed dragoons rampaging up his chutney ferret and then a punter more pissed than Dark Juan licked it from Rob’s salty sweet face…

Not to mention the famed inflatable “DONUT!” made an appearance and a young chap in the audience came perilously close to being brained on the ceiling when surfing with it to the soundtrack being provided by ‘Maccies Monday’. All in all, a bit of a blinder of a show (as Dark Juan said in a most inebriated fashion to the band’s guitarist after the show without actually having twigged to the fact that said fine gentleman is visually impaired. This caused much hilarity and Dark Juan was thoroughly chastened but got a hug anyway) played by a band who were frankly the perfect way to start a Saturday night of Metal in a breezy and cold Yorkshire. And they won a fan in Mrs Dark Juan, which is not an easy thing to do. Top marks for a cracking set, full of giggles and moshing in equal measure.

https://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille

Next up were Pariah, who it has to be said, left Dark Juan a bit cold. Their Machine Head-esque Thrashamania was perfectly acceptable, but I think the boys were on to a loser in a big way having to follow the bunch of baked goods violators before them. Pariah were a bit too serious after all the shenanigans and this was to their detriment. The rest of the crowd lapped up their speedy, aggressive Metal in an appreciative fashion though, so my being a bit disinterested could just have been me being a bit of a cockwomble and busily bothering Rob for a Thrashatouille t-shirt. Plus, Mrs Dark Juan had moved on to the Jack and cokes at this point and was requiring increasingly careful wrangling. Saying that, though, the lead singer playing an Explorer? Top marks for Metal guitar loveliness right there. Pariah were tighter than a gnat’s arse throughout their set and were perfectly approachable folks afterwards when faced with a horribly pissed Dark Juan trying to make friends with them. A pissed Dark Juan on a full-scale charm offensive is something to both behold and absolutely shit yourself at…

In short, Pariah are a very good band who play music that isn’t entirely to Dark Juan’s taste. This does not mean that they are not worthy of your attention.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100058046783542

Now, the headliners. Betray the fucking Throne. Not having to come to my attention before, I had no preconceptions of what they would sound like and their particular brand of sonic fury was fucking intoxicating! An absolutely brutal blend of UK Hardcore and the heaviest of Metal combine to bring you the aural experience of being trampled by a large and angry herd of socially conscious elephants chasing a bunch of neo-Nazis whilst all wired on metric fucktons of cocaine. The Blind Pig erupted! There was an instant pit formation, bodies bouncing any which fucking way and a wall of death – sad to relate, but your correspondent went down like a sack of fucking spuds on a wet patch, although the vocalist, an excellent and august gentleman, rescued Dark Juan’s hat and plonked it back on his head for him. Even Mrs Dark Juan, who is now a vastly experienced teenager, got her fighting blood up and rampaged into the pit for a bit of good old-fashioned violence and was slinging bodies all over the fucking shop.

Betray The Throne know how to play a fucking SHOW. Rampant, chest-beating aggression, power, breakdowns and beatdowns were the order of the day and their punishing, pugilistic brand of UK Hardcore Metal was just, well, fucking sublime for this mouldy old twat having ventured out for the evening. They were also fucking lovely people to chat to after. Their set was over all too fast, so two achy old farts repaired to the smoking area to go and terrorise the bands afterwards with good old Yorkshire friendliness. Having extracted a hug from the frankly terrifying (but otherwise really most charming) bass player from Betray the Throne and having told Rob and Thrashatouille they can crash at the soon-to-be-acquired Chez Dark Juan at the other end of the road from The Blind Pig (Mrs Dark Juan has warned him that she will not be accepting any baked goods from him in case he has bonked them) we retired into the rainy night and the Schwerer Gothikpanzer and home.

https://www.facebook.com/betraythethrone

A fucking brilliant night!

LINKS:

Venue:

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Summer Smash 2022

Summer Smash 2022
Asylum 2, Birmingham
23/07/2022
Review by Rob Sutton
Photography by Sian Irvine Photography

It seems 2022 is the year for me to be travelling to Birmingham as, prior to this year, I hadn’t been in over 10 years, yet here I found myself back for the 3^rd time! Not like I’m complaining as there is an insane number of venues. This time round I found myself at the Asylum for the first time, and straight away thought the venue was lush! Proper toilets with bog roll and working locks, a substantial bar with many beverages on offer and a dedicated room for merch! Perfect don’t you think? So this gig was a crossover with both Metal and Punk being alternated throughout the day, however the Metal side did thin substantially as Wired THC unfortunately pulled out the evening before, and a member of Embodiment fell seriously ill at the venue and ended up in A&E. This left just 2 metal bands playing and 4 punk bands.

First up was Short Heath Boys… Well, it was 1 guy and an acoustic guitar but this seemed an appropriate way to begin the gig, and he wasn’t short on humour, which is something I definitely like when it comes to acoustic artists, mainly because most of them spend the whole set moaning about their life. Don’t get me wrong he was moaning about things… but this was moaning about having the shits, something I am all too familiar with considering the lyrical content of my own band. His voice itself had a gritty tone to it; more of a rock style, which really fitted well, honestly this was a very uplifting and comedic way to start the day.

https://www.facebook.com/shortheathboyz

Now at this point I have to point out that I was playing this gig as well and because of this I had to set up, do interviews etc. boring bands stuff basically. This meant I was unable to catch any of Curbdawgz but my glamorous photographer did manage to grab a fair few shots.

https://www.instagram.com/tomclancyscurbdawgz/

After them was my own band, Thrashatouille. Now I won’t do what I did last time and write a jokey review about how unbelievably brilliant we were because… I am not that type of person, so again there are photos of our set and a pile of destroyed inflatable’s as some of the crowd thought they were edible and actually tried to eat them! Though, the vocalist was bloody epic 😉 (Dark Juan here: the lead “singer” of Thrashatouille is a hyperactive bloody pixie, spends half of his life sounding like he’s vomiting out his own anal tract and doesn’t seem to have a home to call his own considering he’s ALWAYS bloody out! Thrashatouille are actually rather good, though!)

https://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille

With 2 bands pulling out of the gig last minute this did mean there was plenty of time to fill, which was rather lucky as the vocalist for Sick Pins barely made it to the venue in time to start their set. Once these guys kicked in their concoction of many influences became apparent. Yes, they are punk, but there is also the influence of Ska and even reggae in bits as well. This mash of genres was utterly genius and incredibly fun to watch. Couple this with a very energetic show and it just worked beautifully. A personal love of this set was the vocal harmonies which came from pretty much every member. These just made parts of their songs sound huge. Another personal highlight was the bass tone, just yes! Crunchy and so clear within their sound, I love it. I may not have been much of a fan of Punk music before but these guys certainly have made me want to delve deeper into this genre.

https://www.facebook.com/sickpinsuk

From one Punk band to another and this time Face Up take the stage, first things first, what a voice! She uses a combination of shouts and screams, which really seemed fitting on a line up such as this, and Face Up seem to bridge the gap between Punk and Metal perfectly. Again there was so much energy exerting itself from the stage, with the vocalist bursting into the crowd to knock a few people around and begin the pits which were then present throughout their set. The control these guys had over the crowd was simply stunning; they had everyone in the palm of their hands, even making them do the Macarena! Musically as well, everything just fitted the day perfectly, with a personal highlight being how clear the guitars were within their sound! As before, I think I’m being won over by Punk bands!

https://www.facebook.com/faceup.uk

It was back to normality for me next, with some Metal from a band who I previously raved about in their M2TM final. Since then, they did get the call to Bloodstock and from that performance, they did deserve it! But could Hellfekted top the last time I saw them? Well, in honesty… no. That is not me saying this set was bad because it was, in fact, far from it. The sheer speed these guys play is just brilliant and their blackened thrash just hits the spot with so many metal fans. Hellfekted are also well known for being very engaging while on stage and again today was no exception, with plenty of shouts to the crowd and getting over the barriers to mosh with the crowd. This leads me straight on to a personal annoyance. When you are speaking to the crowd, please shut the drummer up! Happening once is fine, but between every song we were met with him pissing about on the drum kit, which meant no one could hear what is being said. Honestly, shut up please! Anyway, guitar wise the riffs are simply fantastic and really drive their songs along, with an outstanding thrash tone from both guitars, which just makes this so much better. Same with the vocals, they are absolutely on point mixing both a thrashy shout with black metal rasp. This was by no means the tightest I have seen Hellfekted, but I honestly really love these guys. The music is just phenomenally good and this is proven by the fact they are now playing Bloodstock.

https://www.facebook.com/Hellfekted

The final band of the night was SuckerPunch, and they made it a special one, as it was their album launch! Now this was more of the Punk I was expecting, no real gimmicks or mixing of genres, just straight up Punk and hey, straight off I found myself really enjoying the sound! Again the bass tone for these guys was just fantastic and, as I’ve said about previous bands, really cut through. Now by this point there was a huge crowd who were fully on board dancing and moshing away throughout the set, and SuckerPunch did a fantastic job of keeping the hype and continually pumping the crowd up. Though it was a bit of a shame that there wasn’t much in the way of movement on stage. Seeing the other Punk bands earlier being hyper and bouncy, I was expecting these guys to look a little more engaged in their music, but sadly it was just a slight bob of the head. Having said that, the crowd didn’t seem bothered by this and that seemed to be all that mattered. I enjoyed the music a lot, but there wasn’t much in the way of stage antics for me to watch.

https://www.facebook.com/punchbags77

So, I took a few things from this gig! Firstly, I now like Punk music, secondly Birmingham’s music scene is bloody mega, and thirdly, this was an extremely well organised event, and I would recommend next year’s event to anyone! I will take this time to wish the singer of Embodiment a speedy recovery and I do hope to see them live soon, as their music is right up my street. Also I really need to catch Wired THC as they’re another band whose name floats around but I have never managed to watch. (Beth here – they’re fecking mega live! Can’t wait to see them at Beermageddon in a couple of weeks!!)

LINKS:
Venue:

Promotion:

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Rob Sutton and Ever Metal. Photography by Sian Irvine. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

M2TM North Wales 2022 Grand Final

M2TM North Wales 2022 Grand Final
Penny Black, Wrexham
01/07/2022
Review and Photography by Beth Jones

Metal 2 The Masses is always a marathon event, which draws you in and makes you really start feeling something for the local bands who go through the stages of the competition, all vying for that coveted prize, a spot on the New Blood stage at Bloodstock Festival. And, as ever, when you do reach that final lap, nerves are frayed, and everything is left in the lap of the gods. Or at least, God of the New Blood stage, Simon Hall.

This year would be the first year Simon had attended in person to judge the competition, and it was set to be a great night. Last year’s winners, Severenth were opening the show, then the 4 competing bands, Omega Throne, Apollyon, Bad Earth, and Thrashatouille would take to the stage. And to top off the whole party, Nottinghamshire Pirate Metallers Red Rum where set to headline.

Penny Black’s is a venue that North East Wales Metal Productions have used before, and it’s an interesting place. Laser lights feature heavily, and the bar is over-priced, but that’s the norm these days. I remember when you could go out with a tenner in your pocket, get comfortably wasted, and get a bag of chips, and still have change… Ah the good old days… Anyway, I digress! For this gig, the venue was rammed to the rafters, and we were hit by a wall of sauna – like heat as we made our way into the main room. My little, gothic, and slightly bizarre body does not like heat one bit! But it was great to see such a large crowd. It proves there is still a passion for Metal in our (newly endowed) city.

So, to the bands! Severenth are one of my favourite local bands and have been since their comeback gig a few years ago. They deservedly won M2TM last year, but sadly lead singer Peet came down with the Rona the day before Bloodstock, so never got a chance to strut his stuff on the New Blood stage, although the rest of the band pushed on without him. Here, they really brought the show to the already sizable audience, and I loved it. The sound was great, with every instrument crystal clear, and Peet’s screams and cleans cutting through everything brilliantly. It got the night off to a flying start and raised the temperature of the room another few degrees!

https://www.facebook.com/OfficialSeverenth

Omega Throne had drawn the opening slot at their heat, the quarters, the semis, and the final. So far it seemed to have been a lucky slot for them, as they had made it all the way to the last leg. But would tonight be the same? Only time would tell. The Liverpool based band look the part, and really like to give it some welly when they’re on stage, with the frontman, guitarist, and bassist all pulling a myriad of ‘let’s fuck some shit up and melt some faces’ expressions. I do love a good expressive face! And their music is powerful and chunky enough to go along with the expressions, with huge vocals, crunching riffs, and some kick-ass bass work. They put in another impressive performance here, but I think the heat in the room sadly dwindled the audience numbers a little. Me being one of them. I took my photos, then had to remove myself from the room for a bit so that I didn’t end up in a heap on the floor. What I did see of their set though was on point.

https://www.facebook.com/OmegaThrone-1986460878039288

Now, I’m going to start this section with a disclaimer. I don’t like Classic Thrash. I’ve said this before, I know, but I thought it was worth saying again. It just does nothing for me, regardless of how well it’s played.

Apollyon are a Classic Thrash band from Wrexham. In my review of the Semi-final, I said they’re good at what they do, if you like that sort of thing, and I will stick by that. In fact, they are extremely good at what they do, and the sound here was better than it was at the semis. The crowd was also a lot more pumped, which helped lift their performance even more. They gave a very confident, assured, and professional performance, which really did show them off at their best, a fact that I think was noted by Simon Hall. It was slick, tight, and punchy. I just don’t like Classic Thrash!

https://www.facebook.com/apollyonsteel

Bad Earth are, for me, the most improved and most exciting local band I have witnessed round here for a long time. They make me do a lot of smiling with their high-powered, heavy as fuck ‘Rockcore’. And here they had pits and slams breaking out all over the place. Frontman, Jordie, had a bit of a mare at the beginning of the set, with a dodgy plug socket, and I think this threw him off a bit, in an already tense and nervous situation. But he was back in full swing by the end of the first song and was up and down on his flight box like a man possessed! Bassist Karl was also throwing some immense shapes around the stage, and drummer, Ben, was clouting hell out of his kit in true Animal fashion (he wins my drummer of the year award – he’s insanely good). The crowd were lapping it up, and for me, musically, this set was my favourite of the evening, and I could have gone on listening to them all night. They make everything feel alive and lively, and I really do hope that they break into the bigtime, because they truly deserve it for the sheer energy and gusto they put into every performance.

https://www.facebook.com/BADEARTH

Our final competing band of the evening were Thrashatouille – Chef Metallers from Northwich, with our very own roving reporter, Rob Sutton, at the helm. These guys are always great fun, with their food based observational comedy style Modern Death/Thrash/everything but the kitchen sink Metal. Sounds random, and like it shouldn’t work. But, like cheese and jam toasties, it actually does, and should be on your ‘must try’ list. Here, they were really fired up, and had the audience pitting and throwing around enough inflatable ice-creams to lift the roof off the venue. Rob did have a bit of a nightmare at the beginning though, too. His microphone decided it didn’t want to play ball. Cue a slightly panicked expression, and a quick grab of a spare mic, and all was back on track though. Again, another fantastic performance, filled with energy and fun. BUT… and I am going to say it again and keep saying it again and again… the intro eats into their set time, and is only funny for people that actually know what it says, who know the band, and have followed their history. For fresh faces, who don’t know who they are, or what they’re about, it falls flat.

https://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille

With the competing bands over, our headliners Red Rum, took to the stage. Now, there’s quite a lot of them, and the stage isn’t that big. So, the ensuing Pirate party was a little cramped. But these swashbuckling seafarers weren’t deterred from bringing their rum-fuel shenanigans to the slightly tiddled audience who were still ready to party! I do love a bit of yo-ho-ho in my Folk Metal, and these guys bring it by the bucket load, complete with Pirate attire, sunglasses, bare chests, and more twiddly-diddly riffs than you can shake a skull and crossbones at. Had I not been dying of heat exhaustion and ridiculously sober, I would have been in the merry mosh-up at the front, linking arms and chugging ales with the rest of them. But my aching body was about to give out, so I chose a comfy chair at the back, and a bit of head bobbing as the preferable option. Honestly, getting old has nothing going for it! This was a very fun set, and a great way to close the night. Although next time I see these guys I intend to be spaffed out of my head on Rum cocktails!

https://www.facebook.com/redrummetal

And so, with the merry madness over, it was time for the result. Unfortunately, Simon had had to duck out early, due to an ongoing back issue that’s been blighting him throughout this epic run of finals that he’s had to attend. I feel your pain Simon and wish you a speedy recovery. But he had left the result with our master of ceremonies, Beany. And without further ado, he announced that the band taking the spot on the New Blood stage would beeeeee…… APOLLYON. To be honest, I had a feeling this was the way it would go. While I’m not a fan of their music, they were the most professional band on the night, with the slickest changeovers and the most prepared and polished performance. Gutted for the other bands. It’s always a hard end, because all the bands become special to you. But it is what it is. It’s been a great competition, and I can’t wait to do it all again next year!

LINKS:

N.E.W Metal Productions

M2TM North Wales

Penny Black

Bloodstock Festival

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Beth Jones and Ever Metal. Photography by Beth Jones. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Thrashatouille – U.K. Chef Metal EP

Thrashatouille – U.K. Chef Metal EP
Self-Released
Release Date: 28/04/22
Running Time: 09:35
Roasted by Dark Juan
8/10

If there was ever a massive mistake made by a young band, it was by Thrashatouille when they sent an email to Ever-Metal.com HQ and said (this is a direct quote), “I have attached everything for the latest Thrashatouille EP if anyone fancies taking the mickey out of us in a review?”

Challenge accepted.

Thrashatouille is composed of four young gentlemen so ugly that when they were born the midwives slapped their dads. They are a part of the Manchester metal scene, which means they rub shoulders with plastic gangsters and mop-topped parka wearing twats who have such adenoidal voices they could be members of Manc Bee Gees cover bands. Or they could be the parka wearing twats. I try to avoid Manchester. However, they are posh boys from Northwich and therefore not to be trusted as Cheshire is perilously close to not being Northern, hence they have to come to a good Northern city and infiltrate its metal scene in a vain attempt to get some recognition because over in Cheshire they have golf clubs and soirees and garden parties where scuzzy young metal shitheads would not be welcome. Although Ellesmere Port is Cheshire, as are Widnes and Warrington and they are rougher than an entire flock of bird’s arses. Having had many a night out in Warrington and pulling some absolute monsters, and all that… One can only imagine the culture shock as these delicate flowers of well-monied manhood turned up in an industrial city where men are men and the women are… well, as hard as the men to be fair. You don’t piss about with a Manc lass, I tell thee… Only Geordie lasses wear less clothes in winter. Thrashatouille claim to be the first UK chef metal band because they clearly aren’t old enough to remember Lawnmower Deth’s “Did You Spill My Pint?” and most of Carcass’ early back catalogue (although they have beaten The Chronicles Of Manimal And Samara to the punch with “The Chef’s Song”, which is remarkable as Thrashatouille are so young they really should still be in their bedrooms furiously masturbating over whatever is a modern analogue to the lingerie section of the Grattan’s catalogue. Don’t lie and say you didn’t ever do it, male metallers of a certain age pre-internet. Finding a dog-eared grumble mag in some bushes and getting it home safely was a highlight of our teenage years. Club International was for posh wankers) and these hairy-palmed herberts apparently are composed of a Head Chef (who, in a staggering overturning of musical hierarchies is the bass player, one Chris Hargreaves. I’ve seen a picture and it ain’t fucking pretty. Trust me. Thank god for the chef’s hat), Pastry Chef (vocalist Rob Sutton, who is Ever-Metal.com’s very own super special little hyperactive pixie. And was foolish enough to let me do this. Bet he doesn’t know the difference between choux and puff pastry though…), a Sous-Chef (James Gerber, who plays guitar – the dynamics of this “band” are all wrong. Sous-Chefs are the lowest form of life in a kitchen who actually prepare food and I was actually a guitarist in a band once and all our hate was witheringly directed towards the rhythm section) Sous-Chefs do shit like dressings and salads, not peel off finger-shredding solos so this is clearly not right. They also have a Pot Wash (Daniel Brown) on the drums. At least that’s fucking accurate. All Neanderthal tub-bashers are good for is shoving dirty plates in the dishwasher anyway… You just have to communicate in grunts and whip them into compliance.

So, “Brain Freeze”. A paean to the dangers of rapidly consuming frozen confectionery treats or a description of the horrors that assailed my poor abused brainspace when Thrashatouille let rip. Like a wet fart you just know you’ve followed through on. Yes, I just managed to tell you that Thrashatouille are skidmarks in your trolleys without actually saying so. Their blurb states that they have Killswitch Engage style riffing in their music, with vocals inspired by Heaven Shall Burn. This is an egregious lie. Nay, nay and thrice nay.

Mid-paced thrashy numbers. That is what Thrashatouille play, and the Pastry Chef alternately sounds like he’s saying ta to the checkout girl in the local Tesco Express or emitting a grunt so forced I hope he’s wearing a Tena Lady to contain the inevitable leakage. There is the odd shriek from him too but I just assumed he had hurt himself on the corner of a table or amp at that point. The guitar player (he’s a Sous-Chef so worse than bloody useless anyway unless he’s “garnishing” something, fnaar fnaar) appears to have only one working ear that cannot discern tone and he fizzes and buzzes around the three tracks at my disposal. Which, to be fair, is something he and I have in common.

The next song is “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”. Never have I wished this on myself so much as hearing this disjointed piece of foetid rat crap. Silly, unadulterated nonsense that sounds like it has been recorded in the local B&Q warehouse. I want to comfort eat myself to death to make the pain stop. The Pastry Chef still sounds like a lung is going to drop out of his leaky arse at any second, with the odd added squeal (presumably of pain or orgasm, I can’t discern which, and this is QUITE disturbing). My will to live is being sapped slowly by the third rate thrashings of this posh boy bunch of gurning metal chancers. I have consumed so many calories of junk this evening to alleviate my suffering I run the risk of being mistaken for a Glaswegian. Thrashatouille – about the only thing in the world that would not benefit from being deep-fried in a Scottish chippy.

The last “song” we are going to consider is entitled “Maccies Monday”. This hurts already because McDonalds is only tenuously related to actual food as opposed to plastic shit made for obese Americans to shove down their capacious throats by the metric fuckton and wannabe Mancunian metal kids really should be getting a balanced diet. Seeing as all of Thrashatouille have faces that only a mother could love, unfortunately not their own mothers, the least they should do is shove some veggies down their necks to sort out the skin conditions that Clearasil won’t. Anyway, this is a staggering piece of work which is basically a stoned (“I say, Tim! Got any ganj?”) posh lad in the local Maccy D’s (I’ve been to the one in Northwich. “Would sir please like to peruse the menu and then make your selection, and I shall send your requests instantly to the kitchen for immediate preparation?” said the liveried waiter as he handed me the menu and an extensive wine list. I ordered the 1922 Chateau Yquem to go with my McPlant meal. That’s how posh Northwich is) ordering the entire fucking menu in a slowly building crescendo, until the hyperactive metal pixie roars “Doooonnnuuuuuuuttttttttt!” at the top of his voice and I can then die in peace. Never in my life have I been so excited about a donut. At least the Pastry Chef didn’t sound like he was prolapsing his arse this time. Although he is a total donut.

So, in conclusion, Thrashatouille are more shit than the entire contents of Audenshaw Sewage Treatment Works. And Audenshaw smells better, too.

I shall leave you with the glorious mental image of Rob the Pastry Chef grunting that hard he expels his own anal tract. You’re most welcome.

DISCLAIMER: This is a light-hearted roast of Thrashatouille, who are actually a really good, fun young band who write decent songs and are a very nice bunch of young men. Their three-track self-titled EP is available now and is a bloody good listen. More power to their collective elbows! All three tunes are very worth your time, shot through with humour and an infectious sense of cheeky fun. And their gigs have to be seen to be believed. Inflatable ice creams and donuts abound! Thankfully, the guys just throw them about a bit. I was worried they were going to start fucking them or something.

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System awards a rough around the edges but bloody entertaining bunch of metal chimps 8/10 for three very silly, but still cracking songs.

Portrayal Of Ruinn, you can consider yourselves avenged!

TRACKLISTING:
01. Brain Freeze
02. Fat, Sick And Nearly Dead
03. Maccies Monday

LINE-UP:
The Head Chef – Bass
The Pastry Chef – Vocals
The Sous-Chef – Guitars
The Pot Wash – Drums

LINKS:

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of ‘Dark Juan’ and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

EMQ’s With THRASHATOUILLE – M2TM Edition

EMQ’s With THRASHATOUILLE – M2TM Edition

Hi everyone. Welcome to another special edition, M2TM based EMQs interview, this time with Cheshire UK based ‘Chef Metal’ band, Thrashatouille. Huge thanks to frontman, Rob, for taking part.

What’s your name, what instrument do you play, and can you tell us a little about the history of the band?

Pastry Chef – Shouting orders

Sous Chef – Plays with spaghetti

Head Chef – Slapping the sea bass

Pot Wash – Hitting the Pans (creator of only pans)

A drunken night commenced and after a fair few Kroonenberg’s the Head Chef announced to the Pastry Chef that ‘there wasn’t enough food in Metal.’ After proposing the idea to the Sous Chef, a song was written. The next day things got a bit messy so they recruited the Pot Wash, and the rest, as they say… is gravy!

What genre of Metal do you play?

Chef metal

How did you come up with your band name?

Pot Wash was watching Ratatouille, but it was already trademarked.

Where are you based and what is the Metal/Rock scene like there?

Cheshire (and Wrexham), and scene is tastier than a rare steak!

What’s your latest release? (Album, EP, Single, Video)

“Rise of the Bludgeonaise” is the current EP, but our “UK Chef Metal” EP is nearly complete.

Who have been your greatest influences?

Gordon Ramsey, Mcdonalds, history of food, the Great British Bake Off, and your mums home cooked roast dinner.

What first got you into music?

M&Ms – Sous Chef

Corn – Head Chef

Spamthrax – Pot Wash

In Flame Grilled – Pastry Chef

If you could collaborate with a current band or musician, who would it be?

Bread Sheeran.

What does Bloodstock Festival represent to you?

One hell of a BBQ and one of the best collections of food vans known to the UK.

Have you been to Bloodstock, and if so, what’s your favourite memory from the festival?

3 of us have been and we all love the giant Yorkshire puddings.

What are you going to bring to M2TM that you think will earn you a place on the New Blood Stage?

Free cake for all!

If you had one message for your fans, what would it be?

Stay safe, eat cake.

What do you enjoy the most about being a musician? And what do you hate?

We love cooking up a storm, but hate the clean down afterwards.

If you could change one thing about the music industry, what would it be?

We have already changed the industry by adding more food!

Name one of your all-time favourite albums?

Collectively Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water

What’s best? Vinyl, Cassettes, CDs, or Downloads?

VHS

What’s the best gig that you have played to date?

Supporting Evil Scarecrow or Acid Reign

If you weren’t a musician, what else would you be doing?

Pastry Chef – Professional pie eater

Pot Wash – Bringing Only Pans to the mainstream

Sous Chef – Owning a bar and drinking the profits

Head Chef – Actually being a chef

Which five people would you invite to a dinner party?

Your mum as she brings the best Yorkshire puddings

Your dad for the Avon

Granny for the Anne summers

Gordon Ramsey

Jamie Oliver (would be funny to watch the last two fight)

What’s next for the band?

A new menu

Where can people find you online? Drop us your links below:

https://linktr.ee/Thrashatouille

Jaffa Cakes? Are they a cake or a biscuit?

If you don’t like slam, you think Jaffa Cakes are biscuits.

Thank you for your time. Is there anything else that you would like to add?

Gravy! Always add gravy!

M2TM North Wales 2022 – Semi Final 1 – Thrashatouille

Disclaimer: This photo album is solely the property of Beth Jones. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of these images, unless you have the strict permission of said party. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

M2TM North Wales 2022 – Semi Final 1

M2TM North Wales 2022 – Semi Final 1
McLean’s Pub, Pentre, Deeside
27/05/22
Review and Photography by Beth Jones

It seems like ages since the last of this year’s M2TM North Wales heats. So, it was nice to have the first semi final come round. Following a venue change due to unforeseen circumstances, we winged our way over to our second home, and the Birthplace of Pentre Fest, McLean’s Pub in Pentre, Deeside. We had five competing bands – Omega Throne, Absolence, Zebedy, Thrashatouille, and Grief. And because it’s getting to the business end of proceedings, we had a guest headliner too – Djinova.

Omega Throne

First up were Omega Throne. They’re a Blackened Death Metal band from Liverpool, and boy do they love a good bit of shouting and heaviness! But it’s got a groove to it, and they’re tight as hell. The lead singer is a giant (to be honest, most people are giants to me), and has a super expressive face, which really lit up their performance here. Musically, Omega Throne are a very pleasing listen. My only criticism is the gaps between songs were too long and too empty. When it goes from a wall of noise to nothing it does seem a little awkward.

https://www.facebook.com/OmegaThrone-1986460878039288

Absolence

Next, we were in for some Merseyside Progressive Metalcore, in the shape of Absolence. These guys were one of Fozzy’s wildcards, and in fairness they stepped it up a notch for this performance. It’s solid modern Metalcore, that’s incredibly Djenty in places, and that’s fine by me, because I do like a bit of tech metal. They used samples pretty well, and they kept the audience more entertained between songs. But there was still too much time without music. The front man did like to have a bit of banter with the audience though, which was good. But it covered up for the fact that their set, music wise, was short again, and sadly, it went into banter overdrive at one point, which made them overrun.

https://www.facebook.com/Absolence

Zebedy

North Wales based Progressive Rock/Metal band Zebedy were our 3^rd competing band. I’m kind of unsure what to say about them to be honest. They’re good. But this performance was a little flat. Something sounded a little out of tune, the balance of sound wasn’t right, and while they do have a heavier edge occasionally, it just felt a little too commercial for Bloodstock, in my humble opinion. It was more of a Reading Festival vibe. I know that it shouldn’t be about ‘are they a Bloodstock band?’, but I’m just not sure it would work on the Newblood stage, sandwiched between the screams and growls of other bands. They do certainly have their place in the genre though, I just don’t think it quite happened for them in this performance.

https://www.facebook.com/zebedymusic

Thrashatouille

These guys are somewhat old-timers to this competition now, getting to the semi’s a couple of times before. And this experience showed. For performance value and stagecraft, they walked the evening. Self genred “Chef Metal”, they play a blend of Thrash, Death, and Modern Metal, that’s food themed. Every song has an element of comedy thrown into the lyrics, but the ferocity with which the music is delivered shows how seriously they take their sound. The one thing I will say that the intro sample that they use is too long. It runs the risk of losing people before their set has even begun, and they should either ditch it, shorten it, or think of something more engaging to do during it, to make sure the attention is firmly held on them. That is my only criticism.

https://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille

Grief

These guys for me were, musically, the tightest on the night, and my favourites. They’re a new Progressive Metal/ Djent band, who have the makings of a really brilliant one. They’re beefy and heavy, and the sound, and songs, are complex but assured. They also have a lot of stage presence, and professionalism for such a new band. However, (and this is a really big HOWEVER, which really, really annoys me because they’re so fecking good) … they need vocals. Their current arrangement is instrumental, which is great, but it is absolutely and sorely missing some shouting. It doesn’t need to be a huge amount, just something to sit on top of the already brilliant music. Add in a bit of growl and the occasional scream, and they would be absolutely first class, and a force to be reckoned with.

https://www.faceboo k .com/GRIEFBAND

Djinova

Djinova won M2TM in 2019, so knew exactly how the competing bands felt. They used it as a bit of banter with the crowd who were still left! They play Technical Death Metal / Deathcore that really packs a punch, and it was really bloody good! The frontman used the whole space, on and off the stage, in order to command the audience. And there was some serious bopping an nodding of heads going on throughout the set.

Now, if there’s one thing that modern bands need to make sure they polish up on to make it to the next level, it’s business acumen! And Djinova have certainly got a sense of that, never wanting to miss an opportunity for a quick sale, even while on stage – the frontman actually sold merch whilst singing! Touché! Never seen that done before! A great show, and a great end to the night.

https://www.facebook.com/djinovaband

So, with that, it was time for the results. Two bands would progress to the final, one on judges votes and one on crowd votes. This was going to be a tough call, especially for us judges. We had a very long conversation, weighing up the pros and cons of each band, but again, for the 5^th time this competition, came to a unanimous verdict… The crowd vote went to a very deserving Thrashatouille! Huzzah! And the judges vote went to Omega Throne! Again, deserved! Semi Final 1 was another great night all in all. Bring on the second semi final!

LINKS:

M2TM North Wales:

N.E.W Metal Productions:

Mclean’s Pentre:

Bloodstock Festival:

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Beth Jones and Ever Metal. All photographic images are the property of Beth Jones. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

M2TM North Wales 2022 – Heat 4 – Thrashatouille

M2TM North Wales 2022, Heat 4

M2TM North Wales 2022, Heat 4
Central Live Music Venue, Wrexham
22/04/2022
Live review and photos by Beth Jones

And just like that, the final heat of the 2022 North Wales Metal 2 The Masses was upon us. This was a bumper weekend for me, too. M2TM Friday, Devin Townsend on Saturday, and a family meal followed by Jazz on Sunday. Niiice! As usual, we rocked up to Central ready for some great music. Two of the bands were old names to me; Bad Earth and Thrashatouille. But the other two, Absolence and Bourbon Hitcher, were not ones that I’ve come across until now.

Absolence kicked the night off. And before their set they went round dishing out free wristbands to everyone who wanted one – a nice touch, and something to make them memorable. They play a very tight and pleasing Metalcore, which was performed very well. The frontman has a decent amount of stage presence, and the band as a whole gelled comfortably together. They looked like they were having a great time, and were musically solid. To take it to the next level, I think a bit more exploring the full extent of their talents would be a good move, because there’s no question that these guys are a talented bunch, but it did start to get a little samey. They also finished their set 9 minutes early. Whether this was because they played everything at double time through nerves or not, I don’t know. But guys, honestly just relax and have fun with it – you don’t need to feel nervous, because what you do is high quality and solid.

https://www.facebook.com/Absolence

Bourbon Hitcher looked very promising. The frontman/guitarist cut a prominent figure, and instantly had a lot of stage presence. They confidently played a set of dirty, hard-hitting, heavy rock. But, and without wanting to sound like my mother here, it was waaaaaay too loud! Talk about turning things up to eleven! It was actually physically painful to listen to, and after the first couple of songs we had to duck outside. It was that loud that we could actually hear it better standing outside than we could when we’d been facing the stage. The volume of the guitar meant that the vocals, and most of the bass were almost inaudible, and it was only for the fact that the drummer was beating the living shit out of his kit that the rhythms could be heard. So, all in all, a good solid sound with some extremely skillful playing, especially for guitar solos, that was wasted by too much amp crankage.

https://www.facebook.com/BourbonHitcher

The penultimate band of the evening were Bad Earth. Having seen these guys many times in the past, they certainly weren’t strangers. But the new line-up of Jordie, Karl on Bass, and Ben on Drums, has brought a completely new dimension to them. The second they hit the stage, the presence, professionalism, and calibre took a giant step up. They are hard rocking, with a dash of Thrash and Core too. Rock Thrashcore. There we go. New genre time. This performance was electric, and the pure joy in all of their faces was actually really lovely to see. They have an endearing quality which just makes you feel all warm and cosy. It’s like a hug, but metal as fuck! Superb performance, and my judges’ vote.

https://www.facebook.com/BADEARTH

Closing the night, and putting me in the mood for a kebab, where Cheshire’s finest Chef Metallers, Thrashatouille. Again, I’ve seen these guys numerous times, and they never fail to disappoint. This performance was another step up from them, though. They all looked really into it, and frontman Rob had total command of the crowd at all times. Professionalism, presence and showmanship where at the front of this performance, as they had been with Bad Earth earlier, and it was easy to watch. Their set was also perfectly timed, to within 25 seconds of their allotted half hour! They made me smile, they made me get my groove on, and they made me very happy to be part of our little local scene. Top performance.

https://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille

As the chefs packed up their wares, it was time for us judges to go and deliberate. For me, in terms of the complete packages that we were looking for, it was obvious which bands should progress, and again the judges’ verdict was unanimous. Thrashatouille took the audience vote, and Bad Earth took the judges’. But, as it was the last heat, Fozzy also got to announce his two wildcard acts. These were acts that didn’t quite make it in the heats, but had enough about them to impress Fozzy into giving them a spot in the semis. That accolade went to one of my favourites, IN DEPTHS, who just missed out in heat 2 and Absolence – our first band from this heat. Again, choices that I think all the judges would have called, too. These semis are going to be the toughest we have had since M2TM started up again round here, and I can’t wait!

LINKS:

N.E.W Metal Productions:

M2TM North Wales:

Bloostock Festival:

Human Hell, Beyond Extinction, Thrashatouille, Daybreaker, Oaths, Navnlos – Central Live Music Venue, Wrexham – 28/01/22

Central Live Music Venue Wrexham Poster 28.01.22

Human Hell, Beyond Extinction, Thrashatouille, Daybreaker, Oaths, Navnlos
Central Live Music Venue, Wrexham – 28/01/22
Review by Rob Sutton

So this review has been requested by both Fozzy and Beth. Normally I wouldn’t review a gig that I was playing nor one I had a hand in organising but here we are, I gave in to peer pressure. This review will be brief as I was not expecting to write about it. Wales has just come out of lockdown and the turn out to this was not too bad (if I do say so myself).

First up were local boys Navnlos, who seem to be going through members as quickly as I go through t-shirts. While the set oozed of Old School Death Metal and the riffs were a many, I think the lack of time as a 3-piece was hurting them a little, as in-between songs breaks were as consistently a ring out with minimal crowd interaction, as well as perhaps looking a little awkward on stage. Nevertheless Navnlos are a band to watch going forward as with a bit more practice and refinement they will be a Death Metal machine.

https://www.facebook.com/Navnlosband

Next up were Oaths, a band that have been floating around my radar for a little while now. They fill the stage with confidence and energy, spending equally as much time running around off stage as they did on it. Musically they were tight, showing off a mix of Hardcore shouts with clean singing. It was aggressive with a good hint of melody. Oaths are definitely a band to bounce to and maybe even throw a few two-step shapes to.

https://www.facebook.com/OathsUK

Daybreaker I have known for a long time from their days of competing in the Metal To The Masses competition in Burnley all those years ago! First off the snare sound is phenomenal – such a nice metallic ping to it. Along with the fact that Tom was an absolute beast on the kit! Daybreaker also seem to be the happiest band to watch, as all of them are grinning ear to ear. They are a pleasure to watch and are incredibly engaging and likeable as a group of musicians!

https://www.facebook.com/daybreakerUK

Thrashatouille are by far and away the greatest band to grace the earth and performed a set worthy of the main stage at Download with Iron Maiden supporting. Oh and that vocalist… What a guy! [Now you see the challenge of having the review submitted by someone who was actually performing, but hey, he’s cheap – ED]

https://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille

Beyond Extinction… I’ll start by saying WOW! I saw Black Tongue last year and was impressed by their levels of heavy, but Beyond Extinction took this to a new level! So much aggression and passion from these guys. I would simply describe them as Black Tongue, but better! Oh and did I mention these guys are all under 20 years old! Honestly the future of British Extreme Metal is safe with these guys leading the way!

https://www.facebook.com/beyondextinctionband

Human Hell, these guys blew me away in Northwich, hence why I helped them into North Wales and boyo did they not disappoint, more aggression and spin kickers are a many throughout their set, not only that but push pits, without any controversy I might add. There may have been a few inflatable ice-creams floating around as well but that had nothing to do with me… Human Hell are a band that really should be bigger than they are, their music being such a wonderful blend of Hardcore / Tech And Black Metal, it is like nothing else I have heard!

https://www.facebook.com/HumanHellUk

This was an amazing night and personally I have to thank everyone who came to this as it was the first gig where North East Wales Metal Productions and I had collaborated. I enjoyed it and everyone who was there looked to have a great time. What a way to kick off metal in North Wales in 2022!

LINKS:
https://www.facebook.com/N.E.WMetalProductions
https://www.facebook.com/CentralVenueWrexham

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Rob Sutton and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.