H6LLB6ND6R – H6LLB6ND6R
H6LLB6ND6R – H6LLB6ND6R
Self-Released
Release Date: Early 2023
Running Time: 46:51
Review by Dark Juan
9/10
Good morrow, dear hearts, my friends of all genders, all religions and faiths and generally excellent humans. I am Dark Juan and I greet you all with a message of peace and love. Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness, though. As we undergo, as a species, another cycle of war and conflict around the world, mainly perpetrated by people who wish to exercise power over others, or to have some form of legacy to leave to posterity, I am thinking that we have learned no lessons at all. The primary lesson being to stop voting psychopaths and sociopaths into positions of authority. The people who yearn for power and seek it out are the ones that are least suitable to wield it. Conflict is not necessary apart from to jump the technological cycle along by a few steps quickly. Perhaps if governments actually decided to govern to the benefit of the governed, rather than simply grubbing for income, income, income to the net benefit of a select few, then you might see a change in the world. This jockeying for the subversion of others, other religions and creeds and political systems has to stop. Communism is not the answer to everything. Neither is Islam, or Christianity, or flying soup dragons. Capitalism especially isn’t the answer yet here we all are, billions living under systems that we didn’t choose and yet all us billions of individuals are not rising up and challenging those in power over us. They are few in number, and quantity has a quality all of its own. They could not resist for long if we seized power and the means of production, but world populaces are too cowed to resist. In the Western world we are glued to the idiot’s lanterns on the walls or in the corners of our (comparatively) luxurious homes, shouting at quiz shows and using what little disposable income we have left to vote for Z-List celebrities and philandering politicians to eat kangaroo dick and get covered in invertebrates. Or, in a bizarre universe of meta-watching of television, here in the UK, watching a television programme that features other people watching television. In the rest of the world, people are too busy maintaining their survival to think much about revolution.
This is why I write. This is why Mrs Dark Juan creates (disturbing and psychologically damaging) art that she sells all over the world. There is a point here, stick with me. One piece she created was inspired by the Adams Family’s movie “Hellbender”. Mrs Dark Juan had asked the family’s permission to create this (in a stark contrast to the mass scraping of art done by AI art creators without any thought of the rights of the creator of that art, but that’s another rant for another day) piece, which was graciously given, and a friendship spanning oceans was born between Toby Poser and Mrs Dark Juan. The family liked the piece that much they bought it and it will be featured in their next movie (“Where The Devil Roams”. Murderous carnies. Get it watched!) in the background. This led to a discussion and Mrs Dark Juan then offered your faithful Hellpriest and dodgy Rock writer’s services to please see his way to possibly having a look at the family’s band, H6LLB6ND6R, as they had written and performed the music for the movie. Introductions were made, Toby found to be a supremely charming and friendly lady, Dark Juan acquired the music, and in a fine cyclical pattern of art and appreciation begun by Mrs Dark Juan and my good self-enjoying Hellbender, the movie, art being created from this by Mrs Dark Juan, the creators of Hellbender appreciating that art, sending me yet more of their art, and now it is my turn to appreciate the Adams Family as musicians.
The Adams Family are Toby Poser, John Adams, Lulu Adams and Zelda Adams. To say they are egregiously talented is like saying that Dark Juan likes a bit of absinthe and defiling the children of God and hailing Satan occasionally. They write, produce, film and act in their own films, as well as John composing all the music used in their celluloid offerings – he plays most of the instruments and Zelda sings in H6LLB6ND6R (Zelda also plays the drums and Toby the bass although John does the composing and performing of the instruments on this recording) and the whole thing is a family affair. Yes, I have Sly And The Family Stone in my head now, too.
Having seen the film, your correspondent was impressed with the stark way the music (which is somewhat minimalist, but more on that later) gelled with the story of the main protagonist, Izzy, and how it had an unearthly quality to it that fitted well with the kind of insular, slightly skewed worldview of the characters in the movie. However, I am going to totally discount the film and listen to the songs on their own merit because I feel the music is strong enough to stand up to scrutiny as of itself. I agreed to do this on the understanding that I was NOT going to be writing a piece that simply blows smoke up the arses of the Adams Family and that it WOULD be a full and honest critique of the music. Also, I am Dark Juan and I will fucking do as I please (unless the editors, Simon “Warming Up The Poker Already” Black and Beth “You Want A Fucking Fight, Do You, Butt?” Jones) are watching, in which case I am the epitome of literary elegance and silken oratory, and I ALWAYS do what I am told, alright? [Only if you don’t want all the unclaimed Symphonic Power Metal albums no-one else likes to review sending over – Ed]
Opening with ‘Rip It!’ and the words “If you break my heart, I’ll devour you”, there’s an almost Devo-like feel to the chorus and the whole short piece has a dark, post-punk feel which contrasts immediately with ‘Blood On The Stone’ with its melange of Sonic Youth style atmospherics and little Metal flourishes throughout the song. Yet again there is a change of gear for ‘Hollow’ and ‘Drive’, where the music touches on the Alt-Rock of the likes of the Flaming Lips – Zelda’s blank-eyed, yet somehow having esoteric knowledge, little girlish vocals softly caress the listener, even on the more hard edged songs like ‘Hit & Run’, which has a strong Garbage vein running through the music, right down to the breathy vocal delivery a la Shirley Manson.
This musical idiosyncrasy runs through the whole album – ‘Armageddon’ sounding like it could have been written by anyone from The Cure, the Sisters Of Mercy to Der Bible and Gun Club, being as it is spectacularly 80’s Goth sounding. Seeing as Dark Juan is a Sad Old Goff ™ this is possibly Dark Juan’s favourite track on the record. ‘Tiny Little Pieces’ sticks with the bass-heavy Goth vibe – it reminds this sad sack of a slightly heavier Xmal Deutschland melded with Melvins – this shouldn’t be that surprising considering John has played in any number of post-punk bands. ‘Dead Forever’ is another belting tune though, all slinky, hipshot Shirley Manson and Garbage energy but with the less polished edge of the likes of Tad or early Soundgarden, before they acquired that steely, mirror brightness.
The rich vein of just what influences H6LLB6ND6R have continues with ‘Devil Wings’, which is underpinned by a mid-pitched drone overlaid with buzzing and fizzing instrumentation and the dreamy, breathy delivery of the vocals. ‘Falling In Love’ revisits the territory of the Flaming Lips – this song would fit beautifully on “Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots” being as it is all clean electric guitar and simple percussion and a softly rocking vibe and a gentle but clearly rage repressing lyric.
That’s just the first half of the record – as you can see there is a rich melting pot of influences at work here, encompassing everything from the fuzzy bass of the Grunge aesthetic, the bass-driven sound of classic Goth Rock, the distorted fury of Metal guitars and the breathy, easily listenable vocals of Garbage (also the amalgamation of electronic and human elements so pioneered by that Scottish-fronted band) and the sheer refusal to conform to any norms of the likes of Einsturzende Neubaten. There’s even little touches of psychedelia on there – ‘Totem’ is not a million miles away from the electronic explorings of Hawkwind when DikMik was let loose on the Moog.
Bear also in mind that this music has been specifically crafted to complement the worldview of an isolated teenage girl in the forested wilds of America, who has had limited chances to socialise, and this informs the listener as to why there is a questioning, emotionally insecure, plaintive, almost childlike quality to the vocals on the record. The vocals are what tie the whole thing together, being as they are all about Izzy, the protagonist of the film, who, it turns out, is not quite what she seems…
As I said much earlier in this rather more verbose than usual review, there is a minimalist, but not simplistic quality to the music. I get an image of John Adams flailing away madly in a home studio down the bottom of a large garden with mountains in the background – it has an organic, breathing quality that is missing from many studio releases and it sounds like the music is very personal to the performers, which is unsurprising because the whole shebang (scripting, filming, set dressing, construction, performing, editing and the music) is nailed together by the family themselves. Fucking overachievers! I can’t even play guitar properly, or as it turns out recently, put a set of shelves up right. I am very jealous so I’m going to stop writing now and go and have a strop somewhere…
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System awards H6LLB6ND6R 9/10 for a superb soundtrack that is able to stand alone as a body of work in its own right, although it will make more sense to the intrepid listener if they have seen the film and heard the music in the setting, so to speak. I do hope Toby and the family like what I have written because I’ve fucked up a transatlantic friendship if they don’t!
TRACKLISTING:
01. Rip It!
02. Blood On The Stone
03. Hollow
04. Drive
05. Hit & Run
06. Armageddon
07. Tiny Little Pieces
08. Dead Forever
09. Devil Wings
10. Straight To H6ll
11. Ride Of The H6llb6nd6r
12. Out Of Luck
13. Black Sky
14. Maybe I’m The Rain
15. Velvet Moon
16. Burn Down Love
17. Totem
18. H6llb6nt
19. I Like A Lot Of Bones
LINE-UP:
John Adams – Instruments
Zelda Adams – Vocals
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
