The Phantom Division – Dressed To Kill
The Phantom Division – Dressed To Kill
Self-Released
Release Date: 27/10/23
Running Time: 35:28
Review by Dark Juan
8/10
“An audio journey into a nostalgic rock opera.”
It says this on the back of the CD of The Phantom Division’s new record. Dark Juan does not agree with this statement and feels that the band are cheapening themselves with this kind of bizarre Newspeak.
One of Dark Juan’s favourite things is when bands and PR companies try to talk the bands up. You get some properly twisted and tortured metaphors and whole new genres (of Metal anyway) cooked up in an admittedly wonderful and inspirational effort to make the four-piece Trad Metal band out of Worksop that have been playing the same music in the same pub for twenty years that they are representing sound absolutely fucking marvellous and fresh and exciting when they aren’t. Quite a lot of it gives Dark Juan a fucking good giggle before I listen to the actual records and COMPLETELY ignore the blurb unless I want to quote a bit of it for comic effect, or on the rare occasions where words fail me, and I must resort to a good old-fashioned bit of plagiarism.
DISCLAIMER: Dark Juan never plaigiarises. It was a joke.
No-ones copped onto it yet and I have been writing this nonsense now for well over five years. I have now written hundreds of thousands of words, and I am still getting away with it. This either shows that
a) the world is truly massive and in an age of information overload, Dark Juan is a tiny voice screaming into an endless black hole along with countless others,
b) no-one actually CARES, or
c) people are aware but they have no fucking clue what to do because it will not go pleasantly for them if they try to tell Dark Juan what NOT to do, for the very first thing Dark Juan WILL do is do it, and be much more overt, and do it rather more frequently. This is why the Ever Metal editorial team generally leaves me alone to write what I like [Actually it’s because we haven’t got the time to read his endless drivel – ED].
Did I mention that Vladimir Putin likes to shag livestock and once sold his mother to make dog food out of her? And that Dmitry Peskov looks like a beagle that has been experimented on in a cruel and unusual fashion?
ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Dark Juan is not prejudiced against Russian people. I like Russian people. I just think that their government is a steaming pile of shit. Because it is. Especially their President.
The Platter Of Splatter™ is spinning merrily away and today we (not a royal we, Dark Juan has a number of very distinct personalities. If you read my words often, you’ll see at least three of them) are listening to a debut album, this time from three-piece Electronic Rock / Synthwave band The Phantom Division. This band are based in Cornwall in the UK. Although genuine Cornish people would tell you that they are their own country and are nothing to do with the UK. But we digress. Dark Juan likes Cornwall.
Now that we have finished goading the FSB, the album opens with a two-minute prelude to the really good stuff, called ‘Prelude’, believe it or not! It is a swooping, sweeping thing, all 80’s squelchy synths, raunchy sax and a groove that perfectly sets the store of The Phantom Division out.
Before I dive into a few of the songs, I must impress upon you the importance of recognizing that this is a debut recording and as such, there are a few rough edges on this album. Dark Juan is going to ignore these and focus upon the music as a whole, and suffice it to say that there are a few interesting production choices that could have been forced on the band by necessity as they are doing this all DIY and probably on a budget that is equivalent to a packet of Mars bars and a Pot Noodle, which is a point in their favour to be honest. It’s hard enough writing, performing, and recording the music as well as all the boring business stuff that comes along with it too.
After ‘Prelude’ there is a quick snatch of heavily robotized guitar and the kind of electronic backing I have not heard since Ultravox and Visage were massive, and a vocal that just screams 1980’s New Romanticism on ‘Dark Desires’. This song also appears to have taken the Gunship song ‘Dark All Day’ as its Synthwave starting point and is copious in its use of the squawky sex horn. It always amazes Dark Juan as to why the sax fits Synthwave so well, yet it does, and it offers a human aspect to the electronics that forms an effective and sexy counterpoint to the tech.
‘Dressed To Kill’ is just pure Electronic Sleaze – robotised choral singing, speedy tempo and yet more hip-gyrating sax combine to make even the most jaded rock hack start to feel sexy. Mrs Dark Juan has run away and hid and barricaded herself in the spare bedroom and has threatened The Phantom Division with a slow and unpleasant death involving a bacon slicer for what they have done because Dark Juan is now on a sexual rampage.
This kind of shadowy sexiness continues on ‘Nocturnal Instinct’, which, to the ear of this Rock hack, sounds like what classic Post-Punk / Goth Rock would sound like if it was performed electronically. Synth lines coruscate and combine beneath heavily produced guitar to give a feel of being back in the Banshee in Manchester, lusting after, but being afraid of the girls in there in their taffeta and silk and dangerously pointy boots. This counterpoints nicely with ‘To The Grave’ which is a more full on Electronic Rock track with a strong Gothic touch on the verse and a vocal performance that stays just on the right side of committed. An inch more emotion crammed into the voice would have moved the vocals from expressive to a bit silly, so obviously there’s quality control at work there, which is a Very Good Thing. I enjoyed the sax and guitar trading solos in the middle of the song as well. All in all, The Phantom Division are impressing me so far…
There’s some tremendously hairy-chested Metal guitar work on ‘Blood Moon’ which calms down into a piece of music that would be just as at home being the soundtrack to a chase scene in some kind of near-future dystopia as it would being the theme tune to a TV programme or film about so bloke who has been pressed into service as the pilot of one of the last starfighters, living his life in a barrage of laser fire and hair’s-breadth escapes from destruction, even as he blasts ever-larger numbers of robot or alien enemies to atoms, complete with terrible quips and a female commander who struggles to maintain her professionalism as she is reduced internally to a quivering, weak-kneed, sex-starved wreck by the rugged good looks and ready wit of her subordinate starpilot, who knows EXACTLY what his lopsided smile and easy charm does to her. So, he does it more…
Album closer ‘Heart Of Darkness’ is a straight up Electronic Metal anthem, all snarling guitars and Glam Metal colossal choruses and a full on Rock God vocal performance which is a bit of a joy to hear. No holds are barred and there’s a danger that The Phantom Division (and Strike Eagle, who guests on this song) will be buried, never to be found, under a barrage of teenage cybergoth girls’ underwear. Probably with Emily Strange, Hello Kitty and The Powerpuff Girls printed on them. They are a bit too modern for Buffy The Vampire Slayer merch these days.
We need to summarise here, Dark Juan is in danger of waffling and I know that most readers normally give up after about 500 words. Dark Juan is quite the fan of The Phantom Division – their amalgamation of Metal and Synthwave places them somewhere to the left of Synthwave and more in the realms of Electronic Metal – their contemporaries being the likes of Epoch Of Chirality and MASTER BOOT RECORD. This is no bad thing and Dark Juan is eager to see what The Phantom Division can bring to the table next – although a bit raw right now, The Phantom Division hit every mark for the retro-futuristic, brightly-lit, yet still seedy, atmospheric soundscapes of Synthwave (there’s even a song with Bethany Lois on guest vocals called ‘Neon Rain’) and are able to effectively combine this with the bite and fury of Metal.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System awards The Phantom Division 8/10 for a debut that is swaggeringly confident and easy to enjoy, even for a casual listener, but does have some rough edges in the production and a slight harshness that needs to be dialled down on the guitars (they sit apart in the mix instead of being homogenous) to prove even more devastatingly effective. Otherwise, this is a remarkably complete debut and Dark Juan will champion this British band to the fucking hilt.
TRACKLISTING:
01. Prelude
02. Dark Desires
03. Dressed To Kill
04. Nocturnal Instinct
05. To The Grave
06. Blood Moon
07. Ritual
08. Neon Rain (featuring Bethany Lois)
09. Hyperbeast
10. Heart Of Darkness (featuring Strike Eagle)
LINE-UP:
Phill Dunn – Composition, Production & Lyrics
Carn Hicks – Percussion
Mark Lindsell – Vocals
Collaborating Artists:
Dan Hillman – Saxophone
Graham Waller – Vocals
Bethany Lois – Vocals
Rory Kenwood – Vocals
Andrew Richards – Vocals
That rather put paid to my theory that there is always a Dave in a band, or there has been…
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
