They Watch Us From The Moon – Cosmic Chronicles Act I: The Ascension
They Watch Us From The Moon – Cosmic Chronicles Act I: The Ascension
Graphic Novel
Moon Doom Publishing
Release Date: 13/08/23
Review by Dark Juan
Score: 10,000,000,000/10
Dress to impress the Vaseline gannets, you tender Benjamins! It is I, Dark Juan, and I am getting a bit bored of actual life getting in the way of my rituals, my orgies and my making a massive fuss of any furry creature with more legs than me. Seriously, if I am ever found dead near some kind of big cat, you can guarantee my last words would have been, “Pspspspspspsps… Here, kitty kitty”. However, I have finally returned to Rowan Cottage (its changed from Crow Cottage in the memory of my dearly departed friend, Rowan Wildash, artist extraordinaire and all-round Gothic good egg) and I have more than an hour spare, so here I am again to regale you with tales and to be the charming and erudite troubadour you all know me to be.
In other news, Mrs. Dark Juan and I found ourselves watching the last John Wick flick recently (mainly because Mrs. Dark Juan is unaccountably agog whenever she claps eyes on the ageless Keanu Reeves, honestly she starts having a strange shine in her eyes and starts rubbing her thighs distractedly and she starts stammering) and during what can only be explained as an outlandish explodathon of somewhat epic proportions, she suggested a new tag line for this series of films: “John Wick: Men Are Very Silly”.
She’s not wrong. Just look at who’s writing this. For example, I was thinking idly about rewriting Shakespeare’s “Richard III” but with dogs as the principal characters, just so I could open the whole shebang with the line, “Now is the whimper of our discontent…”
Such is the way my mind works. It is a curse, not a blessing. It is therefore time that I talk about people vastly more talented than I, who actually create art and don’t plagiarise classic English writers (my upcoming book “Titus Hydroponicus” will be (Pardon me. Mossy Boggart Rowan Grimshaw Cravensworth IV has just managed to do a transdimensional shit in the lounge. Mrs Dark Juan and I were both watching the Smellhounds all the time they were in the lounge, yet he still managed to drop a time-shifted bomb… We feel that his name needs to be changed to Yog Sothoth or something to reflect the eldritch horror of his arse) science fiction retelling of “Titus Andronicus”).
Somewhat unusually, the Platter Of Splatter™ is not spinning as it is undergoing a comprehensive overhaul at the workshop.
You will all, no doubt, recall that I listened to a singular, utterly unique band hailing from the decidedly not sci-fi Lawrence, Kansas in the USA who are named They Watch Us From The Moon way back in May of this year (2023) and that Dark Juan managed to both traumatise Rory Bentley repeatedly and declare undying love for the band (and more directly the ‘Space Angel’ vocalists, the poor girls) in the same review. This is the link, should you feel the need to scrub your eyes with bleach and acid – https://www.ever-metal.com/2023/05/15/they-watch-us-from-the-moon-cosmic-chronicles-act-1-the-ascension/, and I am now perusing the graphic novel that is a companion piece to this jaw-dropping album that you must all purchase immediately.
The story is intelligently penned by the mastermind behind TWUFTM, The General Shane Thirteen, and it is admirably and uniquely illustrated by Mr. Rick Lara. Interestingly, it is drawn in black and grey and this lends the art a classic, 50’s SF vibe that fits the story of a Lunar Empire having been watching the human race for tens of thousands of years. It is a short graphic novel (more of a novella) that tells the story of just how a bunch of humans playing a kick-ass Rock gig at the Giza Pyramids end up on the Moon due to the power of their music. I could tell you more but spoilers, and the fact that I support this band so strongly that I command you all to buy everything they have ever put out immediately and to in fact just give them all your money.
The art, as I said, has a 1950’s vibe to it with the colour choices, and the art itself has an uncommon, uncanny valley feel, where things are not distinctly realised in the drawings and figures have odd dimensions – this is not really a criticism because Dark Juan prefers it when his imagination gets to work and fills in the gaps. Although this is dangerous. Just ask Rory. This also adds to the 1950’s aesthetic because TV shows were on black and white TV’s that were early-tech cathode ray tubes and that time was the golden age of SF, when the world started to look outward to the stars and the space race was just starting. It was the age of Sputnik and Laika, and this is ably represented by Lara’s art. The story in this first volume is in broad strokes, with a touch of duplicitousness in the denouement. I can’t say more. Mrs. Dark Juan hates spoilers and I must watch what I say lest I ruin the story for you good people too.
In short, it’s well worth a punt if you are a fan of the band or an aficionado of graphic novels or classic SF. Thankfully Dark Juan is all three (Alan Moore is a formative influence) and the art in the novel reminds this enthusiastic amateur of the work of Simon Bisley (very specifically in the Judge Dredd / Batman crossover “Judgement On Gotham”, which shares the same imagination-based quality in the artwork) of 2000 A.D. and DC fame. The novel tells the tale of their particular brand of Moon Doom (their own words) and is a bloody good read, and an excellent addition to the They Watch Us From The Moon canon in the view of this Lunar Acolyte.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System awards this graphic novel from one of his all-time favourite bands a full on 10,000,000,000/10 because I love anything that has a concept behind it and this is exactly what gets Dark Juan’s motor purring like a pleased cat.
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Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of said party. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
