Abrams – Blue City
Abrams – Blue City
Blues Funeral Recordings
Release Date: 24/05/24
Running Time: 41:14
Review by Dark Juan
Score: 20,000,000/10
I was having an interesting discussion on the internet t’other day about music. No, not an argument. Dark Juan is quite capable of speaking to people in a civil fashion, thank you, even if there are a bunch of fucking stupid American neckbearded fucktrumpets out there who seem to be under the opinion that only their opinion matters and that if you’re not American, you are pointless, despite there being several BILLION people more than the entire American population inhabiting the planet, and most importantly, that your opinion doesn’t matter. How wrong they are. The point being that another reviewer had made a comment about not just listening to one genre of music, as in, he liked a diverse group of artists and styles, which is absolutely fucking PEACHY as far as Dark Juan is concerned because only a fucking fucktard (or National Socialist Black Metal fan – racist shitbreathers that they are, also ably described as fucking fucktards too) contains themselves to one style of music when there is an entire universe of diverse and exciting sounds out there. To try to cut a long story short, this reviewer (from a respected publication) was told he was “totally pathetic” because he occasionally listened to, and reviewed stuff, by musicians that were not Metal.
This did not go down well with Dark Juan. Dark Juan prides himself on his diverse, interesting, and exploratory music taste, which frequently disappears down fascinating side paths of obscurity, classicism, or simple curiosity, before always returning to the righteous and true path of Metal. The person in question who thought that having any other taste besides Metal was “totally pathetic” found himself thoroughly roasted by Dark Juan (who ran out of fucks to give about who he offends at some point around 1990) and roundly abused and laughed off the internet. Music is a gift in all forms. Even shit music. At least the performers have had the balls to put it out there to see who salutes it. IT IS METAL AS FUCK TO RELEASE MUSIC, REGARDLESS OF GENRE. How many of the armchair twatmonkeys out there have ever performed, recorded, or released music? It’s easy to criticise from a position of ignorance, and to be fair, it’s also fucking insulting to the people who record. Hence, Dark Juan is qualified to write about other bands because he is a) a totally average, bordering on poor musician and b) has released three records that sold about one copy, to one’s mother.
The Platter of Splatter™ has been once more called into action and today has the fifth album from Denver, Colorado band Abrams rotating thrillingly upon it. This (current) four-piece band have been in existence since 2013 and “Blue City” is where genre-defying heaviness and perfect melodic songcraft converge, entreating you to a sojourn through lush, cinematic passages and contemplative psychedelia.
This band are something special and have totally obliterated Dark Juan’s tentative Top Ten List for the year.
Yet again, this is one of those rare records where you can only describe the music as a whole as there is no stand out track because all of them are just so fucking good – Abrams’ melding of Post-Metal, a touch of Grunge (almost Post-Grunge, which should be becoming a thing sometime about now), the uncompromising sensitivity of the likes of earthtone9 and the expansive imagination of the likes of Wolfmother, combined with the absolutely genius vocal performances of Amster and Iversen have literally given Dark Juan constant goosebumps for the past forty minutes.
That doesn’t usually happen. The last time it did for an entire album was Sugar’s “Copper Blue” which had a fairly similar minimalist musical blueprint. Dark Juan can see the DNA of Bob Mould’s mob running throughout this inventive and highly original album. It defies categorisation simply because it has so much going on. There’s melody for absolutely forever melded with a production so heavy that Dark Juan has lost molars to it (“Blue City” is recorded and produced by Kurt Ballou (Converge, High On Fire, Torche, Chelsea Wolfe) at his legendary GodCity Studio) yet with such astonishing clarity it is fucking transcendental. It is beyond epic in the sense of it being huge. It is epic in the sense of it being so fucking colossal it crushes under the weight of its own importance and virtuosity. Vocalist Zachary Amster can wail equally as ably as the likes of Wolfmother’s hyperactive Retro-Metal hairball Andrew Stockdale, and the music kicks the living fuck out of pretty much every other band that has fused melody and power together.
Heavier than your mum in neutronium underpants. More melodious than a million choirs of castrati singing the praises of the God-Emperor of Man. More entertaining than a palace of desperately horny, full-breasted houris competing for your “attention”. More high-quality riffs than the entire Hair Metal era, and more likely to fill Enormo-Domes than the American bands that Spinal Tap encounter when touring the USA.
It really is a rare thing when a simple combination of voice, guitar, bass, and drums combine to such devastating effect that Dark Juan is blown away and will not be able to write another review today because Abrams are just too good to follow with anything else. Not even the Industrial Black Metal of Dusk (which is the next offering on the review list) will be able to compare to the FUCKING MASTERPIECE I am currently listening to.
It’s a waste of my time and yours to write anything else. If you like the likes of Husker Du, Sugar, or anything like that, then you’ll fucking weep your heart out to this. Hell, fans of everything from Cave In and Torche to Quicksand should dig it. Dark Juan certainly does. Buy everything they ever release!
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System is once more fucked beyond repair by the 20,000,000/10 it has awarded Abrams. Yet again, another fucking massive repair bill thanks to a bunch of Septics releasing an album of such affecting power that Dark Juan has taken to crying his heart out under the stairs where he brews his beer. THAAAAAAAAAAAANKS, Abrams.
TRACKLISTING:
01. Tomorrow
02. Fire Waltz
03. Etherol
04. Lungfish
05. Wasting Time
06. Death Om
07. Turn It Off
08. Narc
09. Crack Aunt
10. Blue City
LINE-UP:
Zachary Amster – Guitar, vocals
Taylor Iversen – Bass, vocals
Ryan DeWitt – Drums
Graham Zander – Guitar
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
