Runereader – Forn Siðr – En Ny Början (EP)
Runereader – Forn Siðr – En Ny Början (EP)
Self-Released
Release Date: 12/07/2024
Running Time: 20:03
Review by Dark Juan
Score: 7/10
Greetings, my dear ones! I am Dark Juan and I have had two hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. I also went out and had a pint this afternoon as Mrs Dark Juan and I were doing the Sowerby Bridge Arts Trail and there was some art in a pub. It would have been rude not to, in my opinion. This has not contributed positively to Dark Juan remaining vertical and awake so I have slung some hot anxiety juice down my neck (coffee) and have seated myself in front of my computer, to converse with you all about music. However, I will not be being very productive because I have less than 48 hours off this week so this might be the only review I get time to write while I am off work. I apologise, but the need to feed myself and get drunk is paramount and Dark Juan needs money for this and therefore must prostitute himself to his employer. I mean I’m doing my bit to be able to retire by entering the national lottery every week, but frankly it’s not keeping its end of the fucking bargain and Dark Juan is once more aggrieved.
Nevertheless, you’re here now, so I’d better dig out the Platter of Splatter™ and place an offering upon it. The random selection I have randomly selected (sic) this time for my aural edification and your information is the debut six-track EP from the most mysterious Runereader, who has taken a leaf out of the book of Sleep Token’s Vessel by keeping their identity secret. One wonders if Runereader’s personal details will be leaked by an avid fan like Vessel suffered… Saying that, they’d have to find the fucker first.
It should be said before we plunge in that Dark Juan is an absolute sucker for any form of gimmick, and having a musician with a secret identity immediately hits Dark Juan right in the pleasure centres of the brain, and therefore Runereader is off to a cracking start before I have even heard any of his / her/ their music. Let’s crank up the cans…
Holy fuck. Well, that is not what I was expecting at all!
The EP opens with the title track, ‘Forn Siðr – En Ny Början’ and it sounds like someone trying to play Black Metal on a broken 1980’s Bontempi keyboard. The instrumentation is sparse to the point of starvation and reminds Dark Juan somewhat of the intrepid spirit of Suicide, sharing a similar kind of aesthetic that means that Runereader clearly has, like the erstwhile Electronic Punks, no fucks to give about any preconception the listener has about his / her / their music. It is deeply idiosyncratic, driven by fuck knows what desires and has a peculiar feel about it. It is chimeric, melding Electronic music with the visceral barking of Black Metal vocals.
We do get to enjoy some fairly savage maschinenklang not unlike Skinny Puppy around “VivisectVI” on the second track, ‘The Rising North’, which has a buzzing, electrifying bassline that calls into Dark Juan’s imagination thoughts of the likes of early 2000’s EBM bands like Pzychobitch and Suicide Commando. However, again, the music is basic, with very little layering and just a drum machine, all of which sound like they have been recorded in the bathroom of Sunderland Bus Station. While a bunch of “gentlemen” pleasured each other in it. Unfortunately, this simile is based on an actual event Dark Juan had the misfortune to witness. All I wanted was a piss. I went to McDonalds instead. Mainly because they were all very unprepossessing gentlemen. The clean vocals on ‘On Your Battered Altar’ (oh, how the internal, eternal teenager that Dark Juan has lurking inside him chortled at that. Hi, ladies, let me batter your altar) have the same histrionic quality as the vocals of Dead Coyote (in fact they remind me a bit of The Associates and have that same deranged feel as the singing on ‘Party Fears II’) and the weirdness quotient is turned up to somewhere in the low thousands, what with the Bontempi beeps and squelches and insane transitions from 80’s-esque electronic pop to grinding, buzzing, deeply uncomfortable Industrial noise and a bit of Dungeon Synth thrown in for good measure.
Dark Juan can’t work out whether this six-track EP is absolute fucking genius or the greatest comedy record of all time.
The bass keyboard riff on ‘Those Who Dared To Fail’, underneath the strange-ass Dance lead line really reminds Dark Juan of ‘Professional Killer’ by KMFDM and the whole thing is a really bizarre amalgam of ultrashitty, rat-bastard Magaluf Club BCM Euro Handbag House music, uncompromising harsh vocals and KMFDM’s innate sexiness and implied PVC-clad perversion. ‘Sound The Gjallahorn’ is a sneaky bastard attempt to get Black Metal fans to like Journey, which to be frank, we should all be applauding the fuck out of. You can’t help but wonder how it would sound if Steve Perry were singing it, and what the video would be like – Dark Juan is willing to bet it wouldn’t be like the video for ‘Separate Ways’ which was basically stalking a bleach-blonde, short-skirted, over made-up lady in white stilettoes as she tries to make her way through a dockyard while terminally uncool blokes bob about and dance slightly threateningly around every fucking corner she rounds. And play invisible instruments at one point. I wonder if the country from which Runereader hails from has an equivalent to Essex, because she’d fit right in in fucking Dagenham.
The madness continues on the final cut of this aural descent into nightmarish otherworlds of insanity. It is called ‘More To Life – Production Line III’ and it appears that Runereader has recently been listening to power ballads and unleashes a full-on lighters-aloft barrage of anthemic, arena pleasing, heartfelt crooning courtesy of guest vocalist Marco Pastorino. I shit you not. There is also a lot of cut-glass English narration from one Bella Ravenheart.
Possibly not her real name.
The thing is, even though it’s madder than a box of biscuits, it’s catchy as hell in its own particular squelchy, buzzing, tinkly-bonk way even if I can’t think of a single person who might pick this EP up to have a listen on spec, so to speak, such is its bizarre eclecticism and stalwart refusal to be pigeonholed into any genre. I might have to invent a new one. Dungeon Dance? The person themselves consider it to be Electronic Pagan Music.
Dear friends, I think I like this mad, echoey, unique hybrid of Dance, Metal, Industrial, EBM and Dungeon Synth. It’s fucking batshit.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System awards 7/10 for a record that is challenging as fuck to listen to, weirder than Dark Juan’s already abstruse humour. Marks were deducted because the Metal component is vanishingly small, and also because the audience Runereader caters for might well be composed entirely of me. That is not a sustainable business model.
TRACKLISTING:
01. Forn Siðr – En Ny Början
02. The Rising North
03. On Your Battered Altar
04. Those Who Dared To Fail
05. Sound The Gjallarhorn
06. More To Life – Production Line III
LINE-UP:
Runereader – Does everything apart from female vocals and their identity is a closely guarded secret. They are probably called Dave. They are always called Dave.
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
