Not Quite A Mixtape

The Not-Quite-A-Mixtape
By Laura Barnes

Much to my shock and horror, I turned 25 recently. I can no longer hide behind the shield of ‘being in my early twenties’ anymore — my brain is now officially fully developed. If I fuck up, it’s on me. How does one cope with such a revelation? I decided to cope with it by getting myself bladdered beyond belief at a techno bar, but Beth’s recent article on her teen mixtapes made me realise that there is a better way to cope with the cruel and relentless passage of time: nostalgia. 

I’m sure there are plenty of readers who would argue that, at 25, I don’t really have much to be nostalgic for. I got my first mobile phone when I was 11, and I am a member of a very active Minecraft server. Still, the world has changed so dramatically over the past 15 years, and I can feel nostalgia creeping in with every month that passes. Remember that one episode of The Simpsons where Grandpa Simpson says, “I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’, and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me.” Matt Groening & Co really touched on a universal truth with that one. I am scared of Skibidi Toilet. I am scared of ChatGPT. I am scared of Smashed Burgers. My first phone couldn’t even connect to the internet, and now people can play Skyrim on their fridge. Mate, I’m shitting myself.

I didn’t have a cassette player, but my Grandparents did buy me a late edition of a Sony Walkman MP3 player when I turned 14. I loved it so much that I continued to use it up until 2019, even after Spotify monopolised the music industry once and for all. I probably would have continued using it to this day if it wasn’t for the gradually increasing electric shocks I would get every time I put my earbuds in. It was nice to be able to listen to music without the encroachment of push notifications or poor internet connection. To distract me from thoughts of the responsibilities of true adulthood, I have compiled a list of some of 14-year-old me’s most beloved Walkman tracks. Here we go!

1. Beautiful Bride – Flyleaf

I went to a Catholic School. Every day I would listen to people going on and on about the Body Of Christ and whatnot, so much so that the words began to lose meaning. When you’re bombarded with this kind of stuff all day every day, the Bible kind of loses some of its theatrical value. With the power of downtuned power chords and Lacey Sturm’s raspy vocals, this track made me realise just how metal religion could be. Christian Rock is often a derided genre, but to the ears of 14-year-old me, ‘Beautiful Bride’ sounded like the soundtrack to the end of the world. Flyleaf became even cooler in my eyes when I discovered that this track was lifted from ‘Memento Mori’, a concept album that chronicled an apocalyptic war between the forces of hope and despair. Such a concept could easily have been a little on the nose — and perhaps, in retrospect, it was — but to me, it was surprisingly thoughtful, nuanced, and littered with the most Metal of Bible references (Rising from the dead! Cutting off your sinful arm!). To this day, Flyleaf and their ‘Momento Mori’ album hold a special place in my heart. 

2. Suffocated – Orianthi

I first discovered Orianthi through ‘Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock’ on the Nintendo Wii (how’s that for nostalgia eh?) and man, was I blown away! Dripping with angst and jam packed with insane guitar solos, this was everything 14-year-old me could want from music. Orianthi was, and still is, a brilliant guitarist, but I always had the feeling that she was being let down by a management team that — surprise surprise — had no idea how to market a female guitarist of this calibre. Aside from a couple of bangers (‘According To You’ is a perfect Pop-Rock song) much of her “Believe” album sounded like it had a record label’s grubby hands all over it, but ‘Suffocated’ felt different. It was Orianthi unleashed, and it was fucking sick. 

3. Locust – Machine Head

I can remember the first time I heard this song. It was in my Dad’s car, and I could hear the bass pounding through the surround sound speakers like a prisoner trying to escape. The guitars rumbled like nighttime thunder, and Robb Flynn’s rugged narration made the hairs on my arm stand on end. At that point in my life, Machine Head were probably the heaviest thing I had ever heard, and it had a profound, life-altering effect on me. I wanted more. I wanted a wall of noise and rage to form around me and swallow me whole. It set me on the path that lead me to the bands that soundtracked my early twenties: Sepultura, Death, Bolt Thrower. For that, I owe Machine Head a huge thank you. 

4. Ignition – Trivium

In light of Oli and Rory’s recent commemoration of Ascendancy’s 20^th anniversary, I have a confession to make: The Crusade is my favourite Trivium album. The Crusade is largely considered a mere footnote in Trivium’s long history, and any discussions that do mention the album are sure to criticise it. And yes, maybe Matt Heafy does sound a little too James Hetfield on this one, but for me, who had little knowledge of Metalcore beyond Asking Alexandria’s misogynistic howlings, ‘Ignition’ fucking rocked. With its raw production and fearless political conscience, this track captured my imagination and encouraged me to think critically about the world I was living in. While Trivium were obviously railing against America with this track (“In a country founded on a thievery act” was the first clue), the discussions of media hysteria and ignorance transcend time and place. When I see teenagers nowadays inheriting their political beliefs from rich Youtubers and podcasters, I am grateful that I got my political education from Trivium.

5. Familiar Taste of Poison – Halestorm

You could easily make the argument that most songs are love songs, or at least songs about love. You have your defiant break-up Pop bangers, your guilty pleasure love ballads, and your ‘oh-my-god-my-crush-just-texted-me-back’ Pop-Punk tunes. Occasionally, though, there will be a song that talks about the more complicated feelings that romance can bring up. ‘Familiar Taste of Poison’ was one of these songs. When you hit your teenage years, your emotional world becomes more complex and you realise that people don’t always behave in ways that make sense. Why does my friend stay in a relationship with someone that hurts them? Why do I crave the approval of people I don’t even like? Slow, seductive, and chilling, ‘Familiar Taste of Poison’ was a fascinating track that explored the more uncomfortable aspects of being human, and our strange cravings for the things that we know are no good for us. It’s totally different from anything else in Halestorm’s discography, but its inclusion in every single Halestorm setlist demonstrates that it has stood the test of time. 

6. One – Metallica

It is the duty of every amateur guitarist to learn a Metallica song. It is a rite of passage. My guitar teacher, probably fed up with hearing ‘Enter Sandman’ played badly every single week, decided to teach me ‘One’ — perhaps he had too much faith in me. If I close my eyes I can still vividly picture the guitar tab spread out in front of me, full of 2s and 4s and 0s. I must have spent hours trying, and failing, to get that beautiful first minute right. I can even remember the euphoria I felt the first time I pulled it off. I was so happy I just wanted to play it over and over again. While Lars has the big personality and James has the pipes, Metallica would be nothing without Kirk Hammett. When I think of Metallica, I think of the brilliant things that Kirk Hammett can do with an axe, the way he ties beauty and fury together so flawlessly… And then I think of the ratty Metallica hoodie I used to wear every single day without washing. Man, I miss that hoodie. 

7. Whispers In The Dark – Skillet

Okay, here is where it starts to get embarrassing. One Christian Rock band on this list is forgivable — especially one as interesting as Flyleaf — but two is really, really pushing it. And when that Christian Rock band is Skillet? It’s time to roll out the electric chair and take a lightning nap. To make matters worse, I didn’t stumble upon Skillet on the radio, in a magazine, or through any other normal means of discovering music. Nope, I discovered this song amid the great Naruto AMV craze of 2015. What’s that? You don’t know what that is? You had friends and a job? Well, to cut it short, Naruto Uzumaki, the star of hit Japanese cartoon ‘Naruto’, finally gained control over the Nine-tailed Fox that dwelled within him and unlocked ‘Kurama Chakra Mode’ and so all the fans decided to celebrate by-  Er, you know what? Let’s just move onto the next one. 

8. Ocean Soul – Nightwish

I’m not quite sure when exactly I started wearing eyeliner, but if I had to guess, it would be around the time I first discovered Nightwish. After being in the Metal trenches for about ten years now, I can confidently say that combining Opera and Metal is, well… It’s a bit old hat. When you’re fifteen, though, such a combination feels like a forbidden fruit, and everyone knows that the forbidden fruits are the tastiest of them all. And, really, has anyone ever pulled off this combo better than Nightwish? Does anyone do it better than Tarja Turunen? Early Nightwish captivated my imagination entirely, pulling me into a world of starry skies and mossy castles and ocean beaches filled with sad-looking women with black hair. For better or worse, Nightwish helped make me into the woman I am today. 

9. According To You – Orianthi

Did you guys not hear me before? IT’S THE PERFECT POP-ROCK SONG. If Kelly Clarkson could shred, she would sound like this. Plus, there’s something so compelling about the storytelling in this one, something people from all ages and walks of life can relate to. This song sees Orianthi lamenting the way her current partner shames her for all of her perceived flaws — her timekeeping, her attention span, the way she tells jokes, etc — before she reveals that the things her partner criticizes her for are the same reasons why other people in her life love her. Whether it’s a bad partner, a bad friend, or a bad workplace, everyone will at some point be confronted by people demanding that you shrink yourself down so that they can feel tall. Having the courage to stay true to yourself regardless is one of the most important lessons that growing up teaches you. 

10. Twisted (Everyday Hurts) – Skunk Anansie

In the interests of preserving at least a smidgen of my self-respect, I have opted to finish this mixtape with a track that I am not remotely embarrassed about. Somehow, angst isn’t cringey when it’s Skin doing it, and I will happily belt this one out all the live-long day. Besides, when you’re a teenager, every day does hurt, and there’s something so freeing about being able to actually express that in a sincere and catchy way. Is there any better way to end a teenage girl’s playlist?

So, yeah. The passage of time is cruel and relentless and all those other terrible things, but isn’t there also something reassuring about it? If you’re not a big fan of today, then they’ll always be a tomorrow. Every sunrise is an opportunity to discover something new, even if it’s only a small something — a song that you like, a sport you haven’t tried, a stray cat that lives in your neighbourhood… You see, all these small somethings accumulate over time, teaching you, healing you, changing you. I have been lucky enough to have 25 years’ worth of small somethings, and the person I am now is far different — and far better — than the person I was ten years ago. In a way, the experience of growing up is a bit like taking a shower. Awful at first, then too cold, then too hot, but then when you get out? You feel good. You feel ready to take on life. 

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