Sister Cell – Crystal Hearts
Sister Cell – Crystal Hearts
Self-Released
Release Date: 20/04/25
Running Time: 32:11
Review by Dark Juan
437,892,168,650,837/10
It is a source of constant delight to Dark Juan to make connections with people around the world. It gives me joy. Just not the kind of joy that I get when I have just shoved a Bowie knife into some evildoer’s abdomen and cut viciously upwards. It gives me joy because I get to meet and chat with and become friends with people vastly more talented than I will ever be, all over this spinning blue marble careening around the cosmos. This is the case with Izzy, the person behind Sister Cell. I have been a fan of their music since they were called Null Cell and ‘Texas Chainsaw’ is STILL, many years after we first became acquainted, one of Dark Juan’s favourite Industrial tunes. She got in touch recently to tell me that she had made a new record, and that perhaps I might like to review it. Of course, being as Dark Juan is a fan, her arms were metaphorically torn off.
However, I owe her an apology as this review has taken an unconscionable amount of time to come to fruition. I blame actually having to be a responsible person for the first time in my life.
Now, the relationships I build with musicians are vitally important to me, because although I am famously misanthropic, I do actually quite like interesting people, like Ironrat’s drummer, Gordon, who will sit with me for hours and discuss increasingly obscure British Prog from the 70s, or Ezekiel Bordello, of the much lamented and now defunct Devil’s Jukebox, who was very happy to expound upon theories put forward by both of us about just why Nurse With Wound, SPK and DAF were the true foundations of Industrial music and whether you could class Red Lorry Yellow Lorry as a Goth band. The point being that I don’t get to geek out with many people, as for some unaccountable reason, only I seem to be interested in combat aircraft, and music is my second great love, and aficionados of that are much easier to come by.
The Platter of Splatter ™ has been brought back into action and has had “Crystal Hearts” placed upon it. I am listening.
Jesus fucking Christ in a chariot driven sidecar. Izzy is fucking ANGRY.
‘Garish’ opens proceedings and Sister Cell’s curious conjunction of Death Metal bass, sampling, savage beats and the kind of guitar sound that can eviscerate from a good twenty yards away is immediately in evidence, but there’s a new kind of rage, a delicious misanthropy, a murderous intent behind the music that directly contradicts the poppier sound of earlier Sister Cell/ Null Cell releases. Everything about this album so far just screams blue fucking murder at everything and everyone and it’s getting Dark Juan’s fighting blood up. Mrs Dark Juan is looking at me askance and telling me to fucking calm down or else there will be trouble.
‘Sister Exorcist’ is a massive fucking tune. Everything is chucked at the song. Demented, multilayered vocals, mangled and maligned horns and bastardised electronics combine with the kind of fury a wife normally reserves for a man who said he was going to do some DIY but then went to the pub instead and rolled in pissed out of his mind four hours later and expects a bit of how’s-your-father, and is genuinely bewildered at why she might be slightly cross with him. Behind every angry woman is a confused man.
‘Shadow Games’ is also a monster of a song. Sounding very much what KMFDM SHOULD have sounded like, its everything from fucking danceable to heavier than a Challenger tank being driven by your mum. Stabbing synth work and some fucking massive riffs combine with Techno beats and some high-quality songwriting for just the kind of highly polished, streamlined American Industrial that gets Dark Juan’s juices flowing. You really don’t want that. I get… amorous.
Yes, it’s fair to say I am very much enjoying myself so far. “Crystal Hearts” has absolutely fucking everything that Dark Juan holds dear about Industrial music in there – killer guitar work, spasmodic, jerking, unpredictable arrangements, absolutely demented vocals, equally insane samples and the kind of power that makes Dark Juan salaam piously in front of Izzy Dio. This album might well be the magnum opus of Sister Cell. Every single song on it has hit Dark Juan right in the hypothalamus. Izzy is a unique talent, and her music speaks to Dark Juan’s soul in the same way that the Sisters of Mercy, or Ghost, or Godflesh do. Yes, her music owes much to the likes of KMFDM and Stabbing Westward and even Joan fucking Jett in parts, but it’s just so goddamned brilliant. It’s absolutely fucking unhinged and clearly Izzy has become totally unglued and this album is the result of her breakdown. If this is what madness sounds like, then I want more. I want screaming fucking insanity and full mental collapse.
I don’t think that is too much to ask. Just lose your mind and record the fucking consequences.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System is standing by with a score. That score is 437,892,168,650,837/10 because, although the music of Sister Cell is very much an acquired taste and idiosyncratically unique and will only find a limited audience, it speaks to Dark Juan in a way that very few bands can. I appreciate the rage and the sheer eclecticism of the music, and the fact that this is one person’s vision bleeding out its heart on the floor in front of me. It’s an art installation. It’s the life and soul of a musician being torn from them and committed to recording equipment and then processed and sequenced and quantised and corrected and then unleashed on a world that is unprepared for the fury, the hunger, the screaming madness, the fangs and claws and homicidal mania, the sheer hatred…
Fucking hell, I loved Sister Cell before, but now they have transcended. They will never be able to top this. Ever.
TRACKLISTING:
01. Garish
02. Blind Urge (Domain)
03. Cursed Hallway (Digital Heaven)
04. Sister Exorcist
05. Shadow Games (Tethered Souls)
06. Demon
07. Nothing Happened (Malevolence)
08. Ogre Street Chase
09. Virus (Exhumed)
LINE-UP:
Isabella Dio – Fucking everything, boys and girls. Fucking everything.
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
