Wednesday 13 – Horrifier
Wednesday 13 – Horrifier
Napalm Records
Release Date: 07/10/2022
Running Time: 39:00
Review by Rory Bentley
7.5/10
Alright you spooky little dorks, as Halloween approaches (at least at the time of writing), everyone’s favourite Glam Punk boogie man Wednesday 13 is here to provide the perfect soundtrack for Pumpkin Sluts up and down the land. The former Murderdoll and Frankenstein Drag Queen is the train that’s never late, dropping a ghoulish LP of gory floor-fillers every two or so years with remarkable consistency. By now you know what you’re going to get, and you’ll already know if this record’s going to be your cup of tea / goblet of blood or not. There are very few surprises here, however when I order ice cream, I know what ice cream’s going to taste like and I’m not looking for some culinary reinvention of the concept of frozen dairy. Stick it in a cone, pop a flake in it and everybody’s happy. With that said I present to you the Shock Rock equivalent of a Mr Whippy. These analogies are getting worse.
Centring on the lyrical theme of John Carpenter’s “Halloween” and “Christine”, the album could not be more perfect for its October release if it came with a pumpkin-spiced latte. Opening with some classic slasher movie Synthwave for instrumental intro ‘Severed’, before launching into the screeching, Rob Zombie on steroids Industrial attack of the gruesomely titled ‘Insides Out’ it is immediately apparent that subtlety is clearly not on the cards; but good, dirty fun? You’d better believe there’s plenty of that!
I must admit by the time the scabrous molten riffage and screaming vocals of ‘Exhume and Devour’ flew out of my speakers at an unreasonably early time in the morning, I was concerned that the whole album would consist of beatdown-heavy songs that lacked the playful catchiness of Wednesday’s best work. Nothing about the opening is bad, and I appreciated the more brutal approach as a welcome new wrinkle to the guy’s game, but nonetheless I’ve grown accustomed to big choruses that make you want to cut a rug dressed as a skeleton. Thankfully I did not have to wait long.
In comes ‘You’re So Hideous’ in all its gleeful stupidity to put a big old grin on my sneering face. Gritty, melodic and flamboyant in equal measure, this is what I signed up for! The fact that this is immediately topped by ‘Good Day To Be A Bad Guy’, both in terms of big dumb fun and earworm catchiness, is further proof that despite new pretenders to the schlocky horror throne like Ice Nine Kills, Mr 13 is still the daddy for this sort of cartoon horror fuckery. This is the kind of thing Twisted Sister would give their right bollock to write.
‘Return to Haddonfield’ continues the momentum with Wednesday channelling an even more twisted Blackie Lawless in an absolutely massive chorus replete with soaring guitar leads. This is possibly the most accomplished song on here and sure to be a live favourite, representing a clear high point in the record’s taut sub-forty-minute runtime. But there’s still plenty more gas in the tank as the album continues its blood-splattered rampage.
‘Horrifier’ is a straight down the line Proto-Thrash bruiser that eschews subtlety and intricacy for red-blooded shoutalongs and a filthy chug that never lets up for the entire runtime. The pummelling pace is nicely contrasted when followed by the sleazy Southern grooves of ‘Hell Is Coming’, which in anyone else’s hands would be tiresome wrestling PPV background music, but is rescued from eye-rolling Butt Rock by Wednesday’s knowingly pantomime delivery, committing to the part while keeping tongue firmly in cheek.
Those hankering to hear Wednesday’s Glam side are sure to get a kick out of ‘Halfway to the Grave’ which manages to channel the stadium-filling vibes of the 80’s sunset strip without resorting to boorish misogyny or being composed by abhorrent human turd people like Vince Neal. Result! The fact that it makes me write positively about a scene I despise with every fibre of my being should speak volumes on the song’s quality.
Things wrap up nicely with the short, sharp shock of ‘Christine: Fury In The Night’ and the overblown creepy power ballad, ‘The Other Side’, capping off another successful joyride on this ever-reliable ghost train. This is not an album that will change your life, it’s a little slow to get going and it isn’t up to the gold standard of that first Murderdolls album. But you know what? It has one hell of a shot at improving the soundtrack to your spooky season. It’s a good day to be a fucking bad guy!
‘Good Day To Be A Bad Guy’ Official Audio
TRACKLISTING:
01. Severed
02. Insides Out
03. Exhume and Devour
04. You’re So Hideous
05. Good Day To Be A Bad Guy
06. Return to Haddonfield
07. Horrifier
08. He’ll Is Coming
09. Halfway To The Grave
10. Christine: Fury In The Night
11. The Other Side
LINE-UP:
Joseph Poole – vocals, guitars
Roman Surman – guitars
Jack Tankersley – guitars
Troy Doebbler – bass
Mike Dupke – drums
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Rory Bentley and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
