Captain Caravan and Kaiser – Turned To Stone Chapter 6 (Split Album)
Ripple Music
Release Date: 18/11/22
Running Time: 42:17
Review by Dark Juan
10/10
All reet, folks? Greetings and whatnot from Yorkshire, where the weather is inclement and everyone wears flat caps and clogs, eats breadcakes, drinks Tetley’s or Timothy Taylor’s and ladies have a white wine spritzer when they visit the local hostelries. We also know that we don’t walk on Ilkley Moor baht ‘at. We have all walked our whippets and fettled our ferrets and have now locked down in our humble abodes for the evening, whereupon I have clamped the Headphones Of Incipient Hearing Loss on, and am busy cursing Shell Broadband for their utterly appalling internet service. It has more drop outs than the bottom of the Marianas Trench and is about as reliable as an Alfa Romeo that has been rained on. Mrs Dark Juan is crafting something to do with fungi – she says it’s so our future fungal overlords will know that we are willing collaborators and therefore will spare us when they take over the world. Mrs Dark Juan has some strange ideas. Everyone knows it’s the corvids that are going to take over…
So, as it is blowing a gale outside and the sky has tried to drown me, I have plonked my fat arse on the sofa, am refusing to move and currently listening to the latest in Ripple Music’s “Turned To Stone” series, this being the sixth entry in that very excellent series. Ripple Music have a very impressive roster that tends towards the Doomier side of Metal, and as you all know, Dark Juan is all over that, like the most inexpensive of cheap suits. This split album features two bands, Norway’s Captain Caravan and Finland’s Kaiser and so far, so good – the groove is taking over and I will soon be in a patchouli-scented, grooved-out haze.
Captain Caravan open the album’s account with the first five songs on the record and I have to say that I’m pretty impressed by what I am hearing, seeing as they sound like Free if Tony Iommi and Scott “Wino” Weinrich played guitar for them mixed with a lot of weed and The Obsessed, Trouble and Saint Vitus. Opening cut ‘Down’ doesn’t bother with any subtlety, instead preferring to open proceedings with a monstrous riff of Herculean proportions, and then work their way up to Olympian riffmastery… For all they are fuzzy Doomsters, there’s a brilliantly sharp edge to the music and the production is simply masterful. The sound is huge, everything turned up to the max yet retaining clarity and listenability throughout. There’s no let up throughout the next four songs either, short and to-the-point jabs of classic sounding Doom goodness punching the listener repeatedly in the hypothalamus and releasing those sweet, sweet endorphins into your poor, punished brainpan. . Every song by Captain Caravan on this album is fucking brilliant. They have taken Fuzz, Doom and Stoner by the throat and shaken it until it shits itself. Melody and groove abound throughout and their unusual, polished, bluesy take on Doom is just a joy to hear and special mention must go to frontman Johnny Olsen, who is possessed by the lungs of a classic rock and roll singer and never fails to charm with his hairy-chested, full on rawk delivery. Also, it must be said, here be RIFFS. Riffs of a Brobdingnagian, gargantuan scale ebb and flow with some magnificence in song structures that do not deviate far from conventional norms. Do not take this as a criticism, even the most ardent Doom fan can sometimes get pissed off with middle eights that turn into middle 128s. By retaining this sense of purpose in the compositions, Captain Caravan have an immediacy to their music that Doom sometimes lacks, and are all the better for it. They absolutely do not sacrifice any grooviness in their quest for the mother lode of riffology though. If you like Thunder Horse, Sergeant Thunderhoof and the like you’ll enjoy Captain Caravan mightily.
Kaiser, on the other hand, follow a different path. They are worshippers of fuzz with a capital FUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Their bass driven, massively overpowered, organic sound is all about overwhelming the listener with sheer hirsute groove overload. The noise they make is incredible for a three piece. They are an altogether looser, more experimental band than Captain Caravan but they too worship at the altar of the Almighty Power of the Groove. ‘Howl’ starts with the sound of a turbine or rocket motor spooling up and then it is time for the RIFFS. These Finnish riffmeisters come from a similar area of music as do Captain Caravan, but with less Bluesiness and more Metal – where Captain Caravan craft riffs of high-powered majesty, Kaiser are the front line knights of Doom. Dented, dull armour and notched weapons from so much use are the order of the day here. More black engine oil than rocket fuel. Their riffs are living things that frequently take on lives of their own and the drumming is second to none. An endless, pummelling assault on the senses in combination with bass of such quintessential heaviness that the music world is going to have to come up with a new word to describe it. It does not charm and beguile the listener. It turns the listener’s insides into a chunky, painful soup. On ‘Fire’, the bass acts almost as another rhythm guitar during the solo and the vocals of Otu also please this grumpy old rock hack mightily. Both groovy as fuck yet capable of expressive histrionics in the vein of the old boy Ozzy himself, Otu delivers a wide-eyed commitment to his vocals that is more than a little worrying and has Dark Juan looking for something to defend himself with… Highlight of the whole album, and especially Kaiser’s input, is ‘Phoenix Part 1, 2, 3: Fission, Death, Rebirth’, a nine-minute plus sprawling, atmospheric trip to the outer reaches of human cognition with every single known guitar and bass effect flung into the cauldron together with samples of occultists and fuck knows what else. It is a resplendently magniloquent and unrepentant deep dive into the magic that is Doom, where groove and power mean everything and you just don’t stop until your entire audience is liquid…
All in all, this album is a fucking great listen, and Ripple Music have to be commended most highly for putting these two bands together on a split album, as they are both fucking superb, yet totally different in execution of the same style of music – where Captain Caravan are cleaner, more polished and more melodic, Kaiser are the filthy basement dweller who has come rampaging out of their cellar to bludgeon you to death with fuzz.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System (Det patenterte Dark Juan-systemet for blodsprut for my Norwegian friends and Patentoitu Dark Juan –veriroiskeluokitusjärjestelmä for the Finnish contingent – I am not even going to attempt a pronunciation of that word salad. I just had Google Translate do it and I couldn’t even understand the voice telling me how to say it. Go, go British education!) awards Captain Caravan and Kaiser a combined 10/10 for their joint groovy stupendousness. This split is an almost perfect Doom/ Fuzz/Stoner record. I’ll give Ripple Music a 10 as well for having a consistently exciting roster, as I have listened to a lot of it! I’m off for a brew. Ta ra!
TRACKLISTING:
01. Captain Caravan – Down
02. Captain Caravan – Sailors
03. Captain Caravan – Painted Wolf
04. Captain Caravan – She Can
05. Captain Caravan – Void
06. Kaiser – Howl
07. Kaiser – Fire
08. Kaiser – Black Sand Witch
09. Kaiser – Phoenix Part 1, 2, 3: Fission, Death, Rebirth
CAPTAIN CARAVAN LINE-UP:
BK – Guitar
Johnny – Vocals
Geir – Bass
Morten – Drums
KAISER LINE-UP:
Otu – Guitar, vocals
Pex – Bass
RiQ – Drums
LINKS:
Captain Caravan:
Kaiser:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.