Haunted Plasma – I
Haunted Plasma – I
Svart Records
Release Date: 31/05/24
Running Time: 40:07
Review by Dark Juan
Score: More points than you can fit into the universe/10
Good afternoon, friends around the world. I am Dark Juan and I have had some coffee. This is a bad thing insofar as the anxiety I have after drinking too much of it makes for a scary, twitchy experience for passers-by, who will be addressed by your good correspondent in a voice that is rather too loud and possibly could seem threatening to someone not used to Dark Juan wired on caffeine. However, it is good news for you people because a) I can’t actually get at you, and b) I write like a man possessed when I am wired on caffeine. Mrs Dark Juan is looking at me worriedly as I mutter about Hawkwind being played by Emperor under my breath as I judder around the lounge of Crow Cottage, spasmodically jerking as my nervous system is taken over by chemical stimulation and the wide-eyed, possibly murderous mental stimulation take their hold…
She just threatened me with dumping five litres of PVA glue over my head if I misbehave this time.
Let us run smartly away from the vengeful Mrs Dark Juan and instead drag the Platter of Splatter™ out of its special place and sling a disc upon it. This time, the offering is “I” by Haunted Plasma, being a band that has a trio at its heart who play variously in Oranssi Pazuzu, Grave Pleasures, Circle and K-X-P, among others. These guys are from Finland and have described themselves as “powerhouse of futuristic synth in symbiosis with the super violence of cosmic Black Metal” and they seem intent on redefining sonic boundaries, with help from vocalists including Mat McNerney (Hexvessel, Carpenter Brut, Grave Pleasures/Beastmilk), Ringa Manner (Ruusut, The Hearing) and Pauliina Lindell (Vuono, Dust Mountain). Let us go on a voyage of exploration together. Who knows where we will end up?
Opening track ‘Reverse Engineer’ redefines the word ‘epic’, as it builds from simple synths and chiming, gentle guitar to the kind of heartrending Gothic, magnificence that Type O Negative did so well, but with an underlying, cosmic Black Metal heaviness that transcends mere music over a lilting, heartfelt vocal that tugs right at the fucking heartstrings and has annoyingly reminded Dark Juan that he actually has feelings, much to his disgust. It is over nine minutes of pure, unadulterated genius that makes you love it to death while it is carving out your liver and lights as it tells a story of a downloaded personality waking up in the wrong future, one that was absolutely not planned for. It’s very Orwellian and very Gothic indeed, and obviously Dark Juan fucking loves it absolutely to death. This is continued with ‘Machines Like Us’ where the band reference classic Gothic rock with the guitar lines of Vanhanen swirling and whirling around the listener, yet being extraordinarily current with the undertow of scintillating, sexy electronics enhancing rather than distracting from the music. It is this melding of the classic and the contemporary in an inventive new matrix that makes Haunted Plasma so special – the combining of classic Gothic motifs with the icy, cold hardness of Black Metal and the pulsing, insistent electronics make for a unique listening experience which is, to be frank, absolutely fucking sexy and it is doing things to Dark Juan which need not be written about here, because Rory Bentley proofreads this shit and he gets upset when Dark Juan gets amorous, and was extremely thankful that he hadn’t said anything even slightly pervy about Kittie’s new album, which Dark Juan likes a lot.
Because of Morgan Lander. Do what you will with that information.
‘Spectral Embrace’ is a weird, nebula-like track, eddies and flows of toxic gas swirling around the listener with a decidedly claustrophobic vibe, like you are in a spacesuit and the only view you have is straight ahead, and you have no idea what is behind or beside you and that sense of menace is built as electronic voices and sounds build in your ears as alarms are tripped and proximity warnings blare and you watch the suit telemetry show your heart rate increasing as panic sets in and it automatically dumps sedatives into your system through hardwired skin shunts to calm you enough to get you back to your mothership, although you don’t actually know what direction its in… the song ebbs and flows from calm to panic to acceptance to dread. ‘Echoes’ could be Pink Floyd playing a weird kind of Black Metal/ Goth hybrid to document the journey to the stars on a Kubrickian journey of transcendence from the human state. The final track, ‘Haunted Plasma’ is also very different, slamming robotic Krautrock into Gothic Rock at near-lightspeed velocities, Geiger-counter electronics fusing themselves with the most plaintive of female vocals and a tempo that indicates that your fusion reactor is on the point of a critical meltdown. It is frenetic, disturbing and absolutely fucking gorgeous by turns. It’s Hawkwind played by Emperor. Kraftwerk played by KMFDM. The head of Dark Juan is spinning…
Goddamn, this album is fucking light years BEYOND good, friends.
Goosebumps. My entire body is covered in goosebumps, and I find myself wanting to listen to “I” time and again to be able to pick up on every single tiny nuance and frill. The music is exactly the soundtrack to Dark Juan’s imagination – machinery mixed with Gothic splendour, blood with silk, violent murder with perfect beauty, robot flawlessness with all too human hearts pumping nutrients through organic components. Synthesised voices singing in perfect harmony with human choirs. This is a record that is perilously close to perfect and Dark Juan is left to wonder where the fuck do Haunted Plasma go from here, because this is an album for the ages in his opinion…
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System (Patentoitu Dark Juan -veriroiskeluokitusjärjestelmä suomalaiselle joukolle, joka todella lukee kirjoittamani hölynpölyä, joka on luultavasti vain ystäväni Irena, joka asuu Suomessa, mutta ei varsinaisesti suomalainen, koska hän on serbialainen, mutta asui Chapel-Enissä. -Le-Frith useiden vuosien ajan Ison-Britannian Peak Districtissä. Se ei ollut relevanttia, mutta ei se haittaa. Hei Suomi!) has torn up the umpteenth draft of it’s Top Ten of the Year list because Haunted Plasma have buggered it up this time, and have been awarded more points than you can fit into the universe/10 for this record of absolute sublimity.
TRACKLISTING:
01. Reverse Engineer
02. Machines Like Us
03. Spectral Embrace
04. Echoes
05. Haunted Plasma
LINE-UP:
Juho Vanhanen – Guitar
Timo Kaukolampi – Synths, guitar
Tomi Leppänen – Drums
LINKS:
