Virgin Vampires – Virgin Vampires
Virgin Vampires – Virgin Vampires
Marian Whores/ The Circle Music
Release Date: 16/09/24
Running Time: 41:05
Review by Dark Juan
8/10
Greetings, programs!
It is I, Dark Juan, and I have returned to the world of meat after blasting my way to victory on the game grid! I machine-gunned those microchipped motherfuckers until their motherboards were left desolate and their cores stripped of all power. CPUs have been left devastated and inoperative.
That will teach my computer and the wider internet to fuck with me.
It is evening at Crow Cottage, and I have just returned from a walk that was rather more exciting than I wished it to be, after Hodgson, my geriatric old fart of a dog, decided he’s still fucking nails and had a bash at a young, and in superb condition, Boxer dog. Bear in mind that Hodgson (known as the Trundle Tank, among many other names) is approaching 12 years of age, is overweight because he is a bit lazy, hence being dragged out on a walk around Baitings reservoir, is normally placid and likes a paddle and only has about three fucking teeth left in his head because he keeps having to have them extracted, and was probably 2/3rds the weight of this Boxer and considerably less muscular. Yet he still decided he was having a crack at this dog.
Cue Dark Juan diving into the middle and having to wrestle the dozy old twat out of a melee that was only going in one direction. No harm came to anyone, dog or human, and the lady who owned the Boxer and I were most apologetic to each other as Hodgson had managed to slip out of his harness.
The silly old fucker is fast asleep on the fucking sofa now, and I am not because I need to make tea.
I am aggrieved. It is time to call into action the magnificent Platter of Splatter ™ and offer it a record to play. This time Dark Juan has selected the debut album from Dark Electro (it sez ‘ere) players Virgin Vampires, being a trio based in London, and also the sole members of another band called Pink Panther Project, whom I have also given the benefit of my keen attention previously. Let’s see whether there is any discernible difference between the two projects…
The first obvious thing to state, having listened, is that PPP and Virgin Vampires couldn’t be more different in execution and style. VV are mightily more Gothic Electronic Industrial than their Pink Panther Project music and have much more in common with the daddies and mummies of the Electronic Goth scene in Blutengel and Gothminister. The male vocal makes it less seductive than it might be (mainly because Uela has a heartbreakingly sweet voice, and it is she who sings for Pink Panther Project and it is PERFECTLY possible for Dark Juan to lose his shit over a voice) but still they are baritone and sensual and guaranteed to give the listener a twitch or two in the joy division regardless of your gender or sexual preference. ‘Broken’ is a superb song, operating at a tempo that is martial yet danceable, but allows the music to ebb and flow. ‘Electric Pulse’ reminds Dark Juan of early Combichrist in sound and execution, somewhere around the “Sex, Drogen und Industrial” era with the analogue sounding synths, stomping tempo that is designed to either carry an army across a conquered nation or for the souls on the dancefloor to dance until they collapse, and robotised vocals and constant pulse of the song. It is both modern and retro at the same time in a way that Synthwave, for example, isn’t. That’s retro futurism, a sound that harks back to a previous understanding of what the future might look like, whereas Virgin Vampires take the EBM/ Electronic Goth blueprint and polish it up for the 21st century. It has to be said that I really like it. It is atmospheric yet still eminently danceable and the whole album has a certain, almost naïve charm about it that Dark Juan really enjoys. You can just tell that the vocalist on this record (I have no idea whether it is Ether or Alex) has cheekbones you could cut glass with and will have teenage Goth girls teetering on their New Rocks and having a fit of the vapours as soon as they clap eyes on him.
This really is a record for those of us who think bats are cute and vacillate over choosing a T-shirt because the black of it doesn’t match with the black of the trousers we are wearing.
To sum up this record by Virgin Vampires – It is not as accessible as the Pink Panther Project one, but it is designed for a whole different audience. VV are more dour, more dark, more Electronic miserablist, and not as effervescent. Yet have their own peculiar power. Dark Juan does not know which one he prefers, as he gave the PPP record a high score, but is also a grumpy old Goth Elder, and I feel that the audience for this album is not going to be as large or receptive as for the Pink Panther Project audience. Also, there was too much arsing about in the background on ‘Mechanical Symphony’ which would have been much better served by leaving the fucking squelch wheel alone and just letting the voice and the machine precision of the song carry it, but this minor grumble aside I enjoyed the fuck out of this record and find it incredible that the triumvirate of terror behind both Virgin Vampires and Pink Panther Project have written so many amazing songs in such a short period of times and managed to get them ready for release. Dark Juan is excited to hear much much more from them soon.
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System is quite the fan of Uela, Alex and Ether and awards Virgin Vampires 8/10 for an album that charms yet has some flaws.
TRACKLISTING:
01. The Strange House
02. Broken
03. Butterfly on the Moon
04. Plastic Dreams
05. The Silent Witness
06. Virgin Vampires
07. Electric Pulse
08. Heart So Frozen
09. Mechanical Symphony
10. Out Of Control
LINE-UP:
Ether
Alex
Uela
LINKS:
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.
