Avalanche – Armed To The Teeth
Avalanche – Armed To The Teeth
MGM
Release Date: 13/02/26
Review by Jon Deaux
7/10
There is a particular breed of bravery that comes along with dropping a straight-up, no-frills hard rock record in the year 2025; it’s the very same as it is to show up to a funeral wearing a jean jacket or to order a Bud at a fancy cocktail bar. It’s a bravery of not caring-period-one solitary fuck what anyone else might think of it. It’s either the height of punk rock or the depths of delusional madness, depending on how buzzed you are and which side of the table you are on.
Avalanche are a four-piece from Sydney, fronted by a married couple no less, Steven and Veronica Campbell, who apparently give fans “a peek into their bedroom” during their performances, which sounds less like music and more like a crisis. “Armed to the Teeth” is their debut album, answering the question that nobody ever dared to ask: “What if AC/DC, but now?”
And yet-the thing is, it kind of does work.
“Armed to the Teeth” was tracked “90% live with as few overdubs as possible,” which is prêt-à-porter musical code for “we’re actually capable of playing our instruments” and “our producer finally tossed his hands up around day three.” Steve James’ production skills-Grammy-nominated, ARIA award-winner, no doubt ready to shed a few tears in therapy-have essentially bottled Thursday evening at your average watering hole, wherein the stickiness of the dance floor is in direct conflict with local health codes, and the best thing you have to offer is your third-worst decision.
The title track-OCI’s Joel O’Keeffe reportedly likened it to the likes of ‘Let There Be Rock’ presumably in a drunken, stoned, or head-bashed state-opens up with a riff so potent, you wanna punch a hole in drywall if not seriously consider the same. It features Veronica Campbell’s one-handed, finger tapping play on the guitar-written when she’s just16-an astonishing feat unless she’s already peaked and we’re just covering for her, wink, wink-Steven Campbell on vocals who can remove paint, if not varnish, from the wall among other things, and a healthy dose of none of the above.
This is not a criticism. Subtlety in pub rock is like vegetarianism in a steak restaurant: it is merely possible and rather like pointing.
‘Down For The Count’ is a fight song for a fighter’s spirit in a ring and on tour in Japan, because of course the B-roll for Avalanche also requires a budget. It’s got a catchy chorus for folks who’ve had enough beers to go ahead and think they can carry a tune but not quite enough to remember the words.
‘On The Bags Again‘ is described as being ‘on the nose-in more ways than one!’; the exclamation mark is doing all the heavy lifting for getting the punch line across, and it’s the ‘ultimate party anthem’ for those who consider a party explaining to the paramedics what is happening.
‘Bottle of Sin’ is apparently the title track to the nights you can’t remember, which is more of a liability than a selling point to the future health of your liver. It’s very fast, very loose, and probably illegal in at least three cities.
Then comes ‘Dad, I Joined a Rock and Roll Band’ which is described to us as a “tongue-in-cheek ode to bad decisions” upon which you and your father can headbang. This would probably be while trying to pinpoint just what happened and whether it’s too late to transfer those college funds into lottery tickets.
This is where things get thick: “Armed to the Teeth” is a record that fares exactly as it is supposed to, and this is either a major virtue or a kiss of death depending on whether you personally believe that rock and roll is dead and buried at some point in the decades 1979, 1991, 2001, or is in fact passing away even as you read this.
Avalanche don’t do anything special. They don’t even reinvent the reinvention. They play loud rock music and hearty drinks and fights and poor decisions and further drinks just like it’s been done since long before they existed, with the exact same chord changes and nor more nor less lyrical subject matter (drinking, fighting, poor decisions, drinking), and this commitment to staying in character that would be easy to mock if it wasn’t so ridiculously earnest.
And where sincerity comes in is the secret to their success. Because, this is an age where every other band is either penning an ironic ‘80s throwback or engaging in genre-mashing or what-the-fuck’s-going-on-in-their-lives Imagine Dragons’ acts, to the point where having a band which wants to assault your eardrums and make you feel the sloshing action of beer in the bottle.
Avalanche aren’t winking at you. They’re not in on the joke because, simply, there is no joke. They came from a steel factory, they are touring Europe with Airbourne – who were their idols as kids, which also should tell you a lot about just where they are from – and they are seriously holding on to the idea that rock and roll is still a lifestyle one wants to lead.
Which is either terrible or beautiful. Or both.
Steven and Veronica Campbell– “the hottest rock ‘n’ roll power couple in Australia, says their press kit, and nowhere near as cheesy as Steven and Veronica Campbell themselves. He’s a “mane of red hair on legs” (Poetry is dead, and we’re responsible), and she’s “tall, dark & aggressively powerful” with a talent for playing solos wherever she can-audience, bar, bathrooms and no doubt roof and car parks.
There’s something loveable, yet slightly disarming about the whole relationship seeming to exist through amplification alone. They reportedly met “on the mean streets of Western Sydney” which is presumably more perilous than it actually is, and there’s enough chemistry between them to provide “a peek into their bedroom.”
Either this is the healthiest relationship in rock music, or it’s a ticking time bomb that someday will yield an absolutely devastating breakup album. I’m rooting for either.
“Armed to the Teeth” is a first album that feels and sounds like a fifth album, meaning either a compliment about the skill on display or an insult about the complete lack of originality. It’s loud and competent and occasionally exhilarating, and at all times and in every respect just what it says on the tin.
If you are a person who believes that rock music peaked somewhere between 1975 and 1985 and it basically has been coasting on fumes ever since, you will probably love it. If you are a person who believes that rock music has to either evolve and change or it has to die, you will probably hate this. If you are a person who is somewhere in between-you can appreciate it for its skill while also being well aware it has some serious flaws, you can headbang with it while simultaneously questioning whether headbanging is a workable long-term option-Armed to the Teeth is a perfectly cromulent album that will make your commute more exciting and your ears a little bit worse.
Avalanche aren’t going to save rock and roll. Nobody is, because rock and roll doesn’t need saving—it just needs to find a comfortable seat and perhaps some Anadin. But for about forty minutes, Avalanche shows that there’s still life in the old girl, dogging it down with plenty of not-so-good decisions when it adds up to plenty of good sounds. That is, if you turn it loud enough you can’t think.
Which is probably the point.
TRACKLISTING:
01. On The Bags Again
02. Armed To The Teeth
03. Down For The Count
04. Going For Broke
05. Dad, I Joined A Rock N’ Roll Band
06. The Hand That Feeds
07. Ride Or Die
08. Open To Retaliation
09. Blondie
10. Kick Your Heels Back
11. Hell’s Getting Hotter With You
12. Bottle Of Sin
LINKS:
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