Yngwie Malmsteen – Hell Or High Water
Yngwie Malmsteen – Hell Or High Water
Music Theories Recordings
Release date: 13/11/26
Review by Jon Deaux
6/10
There are nine songs on this new album by Yngwie Malmsteen it, which means eight more songs than I could manage to listen to in a sober state. Yngwie has recorded it at his place within eight months, without any pauses, choosing eight songs out of 80 or 90 songs finished. Just imagine that. Yngwie Malmsteen has about eighty or ninety songs, which did not seem good enough for him in Florida, and these are the one he chose.
Yngwie Malmsteen’s followers always place him next to Hendrix, Page and Van Halen. It is kind of saying that a man who dedicated himself to an impersonation of Elvis should feel comfortable sitting next to the King himself. Hendrix died choking in his London flat, but he still has more soul in his dead left hand than Yngwie has in garage full of Fender Stratocaters. Of course, let us put him on the mountain. There is some place left. Everybody else is already dead.
Yngwie gives interviews like others give blood – continuously, plentifully, and regardless of the effect on his well-being. According to him, writing music is something along the lines of Mozart in Amadeus. Whole songs descend upon him from the skies, completed. Well, I saw Amadeus. The guy who was channelling God was the average one. All he did during the entire movie was plot to kill his rival simply out of jealousy. In addition to that, Yngwie claims that if asked for a death metal song, he could come up with one in five minutes. And I believe him. I also believe that it will be precisely Yngwie, since everything that he composes is arpeggiated into the same neoclassical hairball, regardless of the genre. Asking him for reggae is like trying to get a Marley album from a cat through coughing.
“Now or Never” – the lead single – has all of Yngwie features: the palm-muted riffs, the baroque counterpoint, the fingers moving faster than usual for hummingbirds and crystal meth users, and vocal delivery that says, “I will now sing you a song about destiny and you will thank me.”
Next up, we have “(He Is) Living a Lie,” which, as far as titles go, sounds like it came out of a sermon made by a divorce lawyer. Of course, it must be talking about someone other than him, as he lacks any self-awareness whatsoever. “(On the) Battlefield” and “Eye for an Eye” include his best vocal performance to date, which is like naming a guy the tallest in a hobbit village. It’s better than what I’ve heard coming out of a smoke detector, and it is good at least that smoke detector did not drag it out.
As for the instrumental, they are titled “Antikythera” and “Beyond Zeta Reticuli,” being inspired by a museum exhibit and an alien star system respectively. It does not make sense to name your songs after feelings, especially in a rock genre, when you can use random names that nobody has ever heard before and feel like an artist. I’ve heard that no one has ever gotten laid listening to a song about the Antikythera mechanism, but I appreciate the dedication. This is what guitar playing sounds like to those who measure music in number of notes per second. I nearly dislocated something trying.
At the end, the album turns on you. “Father” is a song in honor of his father, deceased last year, and though I would enjoy making a joke here, I do have some morals and the death of a family member ranks pretty high among them. Fair enough: at least the old man had the sense to get out of the house before the next eight-month writing session. No, I’m keeping that one, too. Yngwie cites Paganini on how he had to feel strongly in order to evoke strong emotions from others, and in spite of my body telling me otherwise, there is an instant where the posturing fades and allows a glimpse of someone missing their dad. It lasts less than two bars. Then the scales start flying back like a landlord, just in case anyone misses feeling anything from a Malmsteen record without being whacked with a few sixty-fourths of note.
Yngwie says if it feels good to him, that anyone else liking it is just an extra, and it is the only honest statement made in conjunction with this entire project. This isn’t for you. Never was.
If you love Yngwie, you’ve already pre-ordered the vinyl and drafted the strongly worded email to me. If you don’t, nothing here will save you. The hair is still gloriously impossible, the man still thinks he’s Mozart, and somewhere Salieri is laughing.
It’s a masterclass in speed from a man who thinks restraint is a type of Swedish furniture, and the one time he slows down to grieve is the only time I believed him.
TRACKLISTING:
01. Now or Never
02. Am Caprice/Hell Or High Water
03. (He Is) Living A Lie
04. Antikythera
05. (On The) Battlefield
06. Beyond Zeta Reticuli
07. Prestissimo In Bm/Adagio
08. Eye For An Eye
09. Father
LINKS:
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